I asked for it. I said I wasn't ready to be friends. How could I be?
But now no one asks how my day was. No one laughs at my silly dog with me. No one cares if I send my evenings watching TV.
Friday, January 10, 2014
It's been 10 days...
We've been part for a month. But it's been 10 days with no communication. That's 3x as long as we ever went without talking in 3 years.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Stuck
I find myself stuck between wishing he’d stop all this silliness and realize what we had was special and good and worth keeping and just come home to me. And wishing I could be angry at him, that I didn’t miss him with such intensity.
I want better. I want trust and a real partnership. I don’t trust myself not to take him back.
But its cold and its quiet and I had forgotten what real loneliness is.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I met a boy.
I met a boy.
We talked.
He bought me a drink.
He asked for my number. I gave it.
I thought that might be it. It wasn’t.
He texted. I replied.
He called and we talked.
He called again.
I called.
Plans were made. Picnic in the park as my small dog would chaperone.
There were no fireworks. Not even sparklers.
Should I see him again? Have been debating this. Daylight dog park dates are not overly romantic.
The date was Saturday afternoon, its now Tuesday evening. I haven’t heard from him.
Maybe my small dog and vegetarian diet was too much for him.
Maybe this is a decision I won’t have to make.
*Ed Note* It's been over a week, think its safe to say he didn't feel the fireworks either.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Appalling Trend
Have noticed appalling trend. Am last "hurrah" prior to men settling into marriage or similar. Trend dates back 10+ years. Wonder. Is trend due to men's realization that a) single life not as remembered therefore time to settle or b) next relationship so much better then me decide to "put a ring on it." hmmmm
Case in Point. (This is a list of men I have kissed in last 10 years that I still get updates on, via facebook or mutual friends)
Case in Point. (This is a list of men I have kissed in last 10 years that I still get updates on, via facebook or mutual friends)
- High School Sweat Heart #1 :: Married with kids*
- High School Sweat Heart #2 :: Married with kids*
- A Certain Ex :: 3+ years and Cohabitation
- High School Crush :: Home Owners
- Ex Accountant :: Married and preggers (possibly with kid by now)
- Blue Eyed Blond :: Married
- The Youngen' :: 3+ years
- J :: 3+ years
- Lumberjack :: unknown
- RC :: has yet to have next relationship
- The Newf :: within 3months of our encounter was flying girlfriend to NF to meet parents
- Q :: father (this guy only needed to ask me out, next thing I heard he was a father to be, daughter born last week)
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Closing the Book on RC
Remember this guy?
RC
The boy who last year had me all twitterpated.
Steadily my interest has been falling. I waited for him to open up, to talk to me without needing some liquid courage. To even muster of the confidence to ask me for my phone number (or get it from our mutual friends...I'm not picky as to how he got procession of those 10 numbers).
He didn't.
After several kissing sessions I friended him on facebook.
After at least two (mostly platonic) sleepovers he still wasn't responding the way I had hoped. So I let him drift. He was just a friend and I? Well I was tangled up with the Lumberjack.
A few weeks ago there was a party.
RC came into town. I was months deep into a dry spell that had no end in sight (little did I know...). He was into the rye, I was enjoying some beers. The only other cute boy at the party just adopted a puppy with his gf (isn't that always the way). When the time came to go home, I invited him back to my apartment (this was rather more embarrassing then usual as my downstairs neighbour happened to be the cab driver who picked us up).
Things progressed as they are wont to do. Only it wasn't...well good.
It wasn't bad per se...but even in my beer soaked hadn't kissed a boy in months state, I knew it wasn't good.
We fell asleep. No pillow talk. No snuggling.
We woke up. He stated my dog snored (she does) I joked "so do you" (that at least got a little smile).
He dressed. Said he was going to go see what his buddies were up to.
No number exchange. No kiss goodbye.
Worst of all. He said "get away fucker" to Gaia, my 10lb puppy as she chased him around my room in the morning ecstatic to have someone new to play with.
That moment.
That moment there is when I realized, despite my previous desires this boy was not the boy for me.
RC
The boy who last year had me all twitterpated.
Steadily my interest has been falling. I waited for him to open up, to talk to me without needing some liquid courage. To even muster of the confidence to ask me for my phone number (or get it from our mutual friends...I'm not picky as to how he got procession of those 10 numbers).
He didn't.
After several kissing sessions I friended him on facebook.
After at least two (mostly platonic) sleepovers he still wasn't responding the way I had hoped. So I let him drift. He was just a friend and I? Well I was tangled up with the Lumberjack.
A few weeks ago there was a party.
RC came into town. I was months deep into a dry spell that had no end in sight (little did I know...). He was into the rye, I was enjoying some beers. The only other cute boy at the party just adopted a puppy with his gf (isn't that always the way). When the time came to go home, I invited him back to my apartment (this was rather more embarrassing then usual as my downstairs neighbour happened to be the cab driver who picked us up).
Things progressed as they are wont to do. Only it wasn't...well good.
It wasn't bad per se...but even in my beer soaked hadn't kissed a boy in months state, I knew it wasn't good.
We fell asleep. No pillow talk. No snuggling.
We woke up. He stated my dog snored (she does) I joked "so do you" (that at least got a little smile).
He dressed. Said he was going to go see what his buddies were up to.
No number exchange. No kiss goodbye.
Worst of all. He said "get away fucker" to Gaia, my 10lb puppy as she chased him around my room in the morning ecstatic to have someone new to play with.
That moment.
That moment there is when I realized, despite my previous desires this boy was not the boy for me.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Missing Girl
She was happy. Bright. Confident. Going places. Things were not going to stand in her way. The future spread out ahead with limitless possibilities. School. Career. Boys. Men. Husband. Girlfriends. Aunt. Children. She planned on making a difference. Making the world a brighter place for the next generation.
She is lost. Trapped somewhere. Screaming to get out.
For years the ebb and flow of depression has been on the periphery. Never in complete control always pushed under. Let out at night alone under the cloak of darkness. Now the tide is high.
Insecurity. Guilt. Anxiety. Worthlessness. Worst of all engulfing loneliness has replaced the joy that lit her blue eyes. The days march on blurring together. Every sunset bringing afresh wave guilt as the endless to do list continues to grow with nothing checked off.
The bright girl looks out from her prison unable to recognize the shambles that has become a reality.
The dishes pile in the sink. Laundry in the basket. Paper s unfinished. Calls unanswered. Friendships left dangling; the energy it takes to hide the internal darkness is too much to bear.
The bright girl. The shining girl. She screams.
Sometimes you can hear her.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Post Christmas Wish
While I have been away, and I do intend to get back to regular blogging when I get back to regular life (whatever that is). I have been faithfully reading this blog for a long time and during some of my loneliest times her blog has made me laugh. Now she has a request and I thought I'd pass it along to my readers as well.
My name is brandy. And I have a blog.
And a plea.
I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.
He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.
The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.
As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.
I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).
I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.
I did.
My name is brandy. And I have a blog.
And a plea.
I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.
He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.
The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.
As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.
I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).
I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.
I did.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Return
I've been gone a long time now.
The reasons for that include depression and anxiety which was solved which medication and the difficult decision to withdraw from school.
I had attempted to write several posts about how the depression felt to me, but as I read them over I found them to dark to keep, as I am really trying to put the last few months behind me and start 2010 with a fresh outlook.
I'm feeling better and more optimistic then I have in over a year. For the first time in a long time I am excited about my life. I'm nervous too, but it's more a nervous anticipation for the future holds as opposed to the anxiety of the past.
I plan to get back to blogging, about my attempt to really find my place.
After all,
There's no where to go but up.
The reasons for that include depression and anxiety which was solved which medication and the difficult decision to withdraw from school.
I had attempted to write several posts about how the depression felt to me, but as I read them over I found them to dark to keep, as I am really trying to put the last few months behind me and start 2010 with a fresh outlook.
I'm feeling better and more optimistic then I have in over a year. For the first time in a long time I am excited about my life. I'm nervous too, but it's more a nervous anticipation for the future holds as opposed to the anxiety of the past.
I plan to get back to blogging, about my attempt to really find my place.
After all,
There's no where to go but up.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Highway of Heroes
10am
Driving home, blurry-eyed.
Mind on my own problems.
Slowly the fact that traffic seems to slow at every over pass tickles into my over active mind.
Slowly the fact that every over pass holds an emergency vechicle.
Police.
Fire.
Ambulance.
Families in minivans are camped out on the side of the service road running parrallel to the highway.
At the site of the Canadian Flag my brain finally catches up with my eyes.
I'm traveling the Highway of Heroes.
Today two of our soldiers are being repatriated.
People are showing their support.
Solidarity.
Instantly tears welling in my eyes, quickly spilling down my cheeks.
Ten minutes ago I was worried about now what seems like small insignificant problems.
The tears didn't stop until I got home.
Driving home, blurry-eyed.
Mind on my own problems.
Slowly the fact that traffic seems to slow at every over pass tickles into my over active mind.
Slowly the fact that every over pass holds an emergency vechicle.
Police.
Fire.
Ambulance.
Families in minivans are camped out on the side of the service road running parrallel to the highway.
At the site of the Canadian Flag my brain finally catches up with my eyes.
I'm traveling the Highway of Heroes.
Today two of our soldiers are being repatriated.
People are showing their support.
Solidarity.
Instantly tears welling in my eyes, quickly spilling down my cheeks.
Ten minutes ago I was worried about now what seems like small insignificant problems.
The tears didn't stop until I got home.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Midnight
It's hot.
Summer has finally arrived in my little corner of the world. Including 30C plus days with the humidity that goes along with it.
This past week I rediscovered a favourite small pleasure of mine.
My apartment stays tropically hot long after the sun has gone down. Leaving me to sleep with a fan, in minimal attire and only my sheet for cover.
Eventually the fan does its job and the finally cool outside air comes inside.
I'm chilled.
Half awake, I pull my duvet over my cool skin.
Instantly warmth envelops me as I snuggle deeper into the folds of my bed and drift back to sleep.
Summer has finally arrived in my little corner of the world. Including 30C plus days with the humidity that goes along with it.
This past week I rediscovered a favourite small pleasure of mine.
My apartment stays tropically hot long after the sun has gone down. Leaving me to sleep with a fan, in minimal attire and only my sheet for cover.
Eventually the fan does its job and the finally cool outside air comes inside.
I'm chilled.
Half awake, I pull my duvet over my cool skin.
Instantly warmth envelops me as I snuggle deeper into the folds of my bed and drift back to sleep.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Left Behind
Selfish. Childish. Self Absorbed. Bad Friend.
That's how I feel.
Remember my friend PhD? How told me she and her bf were thinking about trying for kids in the fall? Well she pushed the date up. A. Lot.
Clearly she had misrepresented her desire to have children to me over the past few months when in reality she wanted one now. As in yesterday. I only discovered this while spending time with our our mutual friend who has one 8month old and another one on the way.
Turns out that my friends are all incredibly fertile and she is indeed preggers. Now. As in due this February. (I should note that my girlfriends have always been rather lax about birth control. And the fact that they never had an unplanned pregnancy is amazing).
As I said before, I am happy for her, but everything is baby. Literally everything. The woman is opening a Maternity Studio. I'm hearing about how tired she is. How big her boobs are getting, how sore they are. How her brother, whom she lives with (she owns a house with her younger sibs) is not adjusting. How he may have to move out or give up his dog (granted the dog is not great with kids, but her dog will also have to adapt) and he is not adjusting.
I'm struggling with my own problems. I'm trying to adjust to the fact that I may be falling for a guy who does not want kids. That babies may not be in the future for me (it is something I am steeling myself for and not soley because of Lumberjack, there are a whole host of reasons).
I suppose I should be happy that I have such fertile friends. I'll have many neices and nefews to spoil in the years to come. But in the meantime I'm feeling lost. Left behind. Selfish.
That's how I feel.
Remember my friend PhD? How told me she and her bf were thinking about trying for kids in the fall? Well she pushed the date up. A. Lot.
Clearly she had misrepresented her desire to have children to me over the past few months when in reality she wanted one now. As in yesterday. I only discovered this while spending time with our our mutual friend who has one 8month old and another one on the way.
Turns out that my friends are all incredibly fertile and she is indeed preggers. Now. As in due this February. (I should note that my girlfriends have always been rather lax about birth control. And the fact that they never had an unplanned pregnancy is amazing).
As I said before, I am happy for her, but everything is baby. Literally everything. The woman is opening a Maternity Studio. I'm hearing about how tired she is. How big her boobs are getting, how sore they are. How her brother, whom she lives with (she owns a house with her younger sibs) is not adjusting. How he may have to move out or give up his dog (granted the dog is not great with kids, but her dog will also have to adapt) and he is not adjusting.
I'm struggling with my own problems. I'm trying to adjust to the fact that I may be falling for a guy who does not want kids. That babies may not be in the future for me (it is something I am steeling myself for and not soley because of Lumberjack, there are a whole host of reasons).
I suppose I should be happy that I have such fertile friends. I'll have many neices and nefews to spoil in the years to come. But in the meantime I'm feeling lost. Left behind. Selfish.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Bomb
"I worry so much about my niece getting hurt."
"I can barely take care of myself"
"I don't want to have kids."
hmmmmm.
After telling Lumberjack that yet another of my girlfriends is knocked up (more to come on that) those were his thoughts.
Problem? Deal-breaker? (did we even have a deal?)
What to do when your sort-of boyfriend, that you only see once a month, that you do not think about long term, drops that bomb?
"I can barely take care of myself"
"I don't want to have kids."
hmmmmm.
After telling Lumberjack that yet another of my girlfriends is knocked up (more to come on that) those were his thoughts.
Problem? Deal-breaker? (did we even have a deal?)
What to do when your sort-of boyfriend, that you only see once a month, that you do not think about long term, drops that bomb?
Tally II
Tigerlily 0 : Science 2
*Essential piece of equipment has been broken for a week! Cannot redo my previously contaminated samples until its running again.
Feel the stress build.
*Essential piece of equipment has been broken for a week! Cannot redo my previously contaminated samples until its running again.
Feel the stress build.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Tally
"How goes the battle?"
"I think I'm losing."
"OHHHHH, you should keep a tally between you and science...you know to see whose winning"
On that note starting now:
Tigerlily 0: Science 1
"I think I'm losing."
"OHHHHH, you should keep a tally between you and science...you know to see whose winning"
On that note starting now:
Tigerlily 0: Science 1
Monday, June 1, 2009
Again and Again
I am facing a huge set back. So big that I really should not be writing about it, and should instead be facing it and moving forward. But since I can remember I have liked to write my problems out in order to analyze them from all sides and therefore hopefully come to the most appropriate solution (can you tell I have a science background?).
The problem is that for the last few weeks I have been working toward finishing my lab analysis of the soil samples I collected last fall for my Masters. The process I am currently working on is lengthly and time consuming if not actually hard (as all lab work seems to be) requiring about 13hours to process 30-40 samples (I have 200 total).
This morning I was ready to run about 60 of these through an instrument to finally get some kind of usable number (this will take another 6-8hours not included in the first 13, see what I mean about time consuming?). But during the machines 'warm up' something horrible was discovered. The reagent I had use to mix all my solutions was contaminated with the very elements I was trying to detect! Meaning all the time I had put into these samples has been wasted. They are garbage. Worthless, and already down the drain.
I had optimistically hoped to finish all these lengthy and time consuming processes by the end of next week. Instead I find myself starting over from scratch tomorrow.
Scratch.
Nevermind that I should have had these done in the winter. Nevermind that the list of things to do is getting so long it makes my head hurt to think about. Nevermind that it's the 1st of June and I am frezing in my office (seriously summer...don't tease me with glorious weather only to take it back so hatefully!).
There really is nothing to do other then do it. Again.
Like so many other aspects of my life I am once again starting over.
Again and again.
Seriously...I signed up for this?
The problem is that for the last few weeks I have been working toward finishing my lab analysis of the soil samples I collected last fall for my Masters. The process I am currently working on is lengthly and time consuming if not actually hard (as all lab work seems to be) requiring about 13hours to process 30-40 samples (I have 200 total).
This morning I was ready to run about 60 of these through an instrument to finally get some kind of usable number (this will take another 6-8hours not included in the first 13, see what I mean about time consuming?). But during the machines 'warm up' something horrible was discovered. The reagent I had use to mix all my solutions was contaminated with the very elements I was trying to detect! Meaning all the time I had put into these samples has been wasted. They are garbage. Worthless, and already down the drain.
I had optimistically hoped to finish all these lengthy and time consuming processes by the end of next week. Instead I find myself starting over from scratch tomorrow.
Scratch.
Nevermind that I should have had these done in the winter. Nevermind that the list of things to do is getting so long it makes my head hurt to think about. Nevermind that it's the 1st of June and I am frezing in my office (seriously summer...don't tease me with glorious weather only to take it back so hatefully!).
There really is nothing to do other then do it. Again.
Like so many other aspects of my life I am once again starting over.
Again and again.
Seriously...I signed up for this?
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Babies
I took last week off.
Went up to my parents and enjoyed the sun and the lake. (It was finally 30ish degrees C!). Aside from the fact that I don't really need a reason to take a vacation my best friend was visiting from the land down under.
Double K is a girl I have known my entire life, I don't remember meeting her because we were less then a year old when my Dad and her Mom
ran into each other in our small town's post office. We don't see each other much these days as she has been living in Australia for about four years now with her fiance.
This particular visit was extra sweet as she hadn't been in Canada since fall of 2007, the reason for length of time between visits is this....she had a baby!
Marli Morgan, born Sept 18 2008.
I got to meet this darling girl on her 8 month birthday.
It was love at first site. I would have teared up if we hadn't been in a large group when I saw her! She looks just like her Double K. Its amazing.
Despite the fact that most of my friends have babies or want babies as soon as possible I was never part of that crowd. I think kids are cute and all, but I was never sure if I wanted one myself.
This may stem from many reasons, starting with the overwhelming responsibility and ending with the lack my lack of a serious/or long term relationship in a few years. But seeing that little girls face light up when she saw her mother and how my life long friend absolutely glowed even when speaking about her....for the first time I know that I do want kids.
Not right away. But one day.
But for now I'll settle on being the best Auntie. I am very happy to announce the Double K, her fiance and Marli will be moving back to Canada this fall on account that they are expecting their 2nd child this Decemeber! They will be moving to Vancouver (which is approximately 4000kms from me) but at least they'll be in the coutry!
Double K would like everyone to know that nursing...not a perfect birth control method! She hadn't even gotten her period back...so it took her a bit to notice something was 'off'. They are happy and busy and will soon be busier, as by Christmas they will have a newborm and and 13 month old!
* yes I am the Auntie that fed the baby lemon...I wanted to laugh at her sour face...however the trick was on me...no sour face. The girl likes lemons!
Went up to my parents and enjoyed the sun and the lake. (It was finally 30ish degrees C!). Aside from the fact that I don't really need a reason to take a vacation my best friend was visiting from the land down under.
Double K is a girl I have known my entire life, I don't remember meeting her because we were less then a year old when my Dad and her Mom
ran into each other in our small town's post office. We don't see each other much these days as she has been living in Australia for about four years now with her fiance.
This particular visit was extra sweet as she hadn't been in Canada since fall of 2007, the reason for length of time between visits is this....she had a baby!
Marli Morgan, born Sept 18 2008.
I got to meet this darling girl on her 8 month birthday.
It was love at first site. I would have teared up if we hadn't been in a large group when I saw her! She looks just like her Double K. Its amazing.
Despite the fact that most of my friends have babies or want babies as soon as possible I was never part of that crowd. I think kids are cute and all, but I was never sure if I wanted one myself.
This may stem from many reasons, starting with the overwhelming responsibility and ending with the lack my lack of a serious/or long term relationship in a few years. But seeing that little girls face light up when she saw her mother and how my life long friend absolutely glowed even when speaking about her....for the first time I know that I do want kids.
Not right away. But one day.
But for now I'll settle on being the best Auntie. I am very happy to announce the Double K, her fiance and Marli will be moving back to Canada this fall on account that they are expecting their 2nd child this Decemeber! They will be moving to Vancouver (which is approximately 4000kms from me) but at least they'll be in the coutry!
Double K would like everyone to know that nursing...not a perfect birth control method! She hadn't even gotten her period back...so it took her a bit to notice something was 'off'. They are happy and busy and will soon be busier, as by Christmas they will have a newborm and and 13 month old!
* yes I am the Auntie that fed the baby lemon...I wanted to laugh at her sour face...however the trick was on me...no sour face. The girl likes lemons!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Garbage
I have been wondering what to do with my garbage for awhile.
Yes, I recycle, but I can't compost. I live in an apartment so I have no backyard, and my city does not pick up compostables.
But thats not really what I've been curious about.
I have never been one to buy garbage bags. I mean seriously do we need more plastic bags? I have always used old grocery bags to line the pails in my kitchen and bathroom. But since cloth bags became so readily available and many stores (even the upscale ones) are charging for bags my supply of 'free' garbage bags has dwindled.
So what to do?
Continue to get plastic grocery bags every 3rd shop to keep my supplies up? However pop culture would have one believe that using plastic is evil. But that is at least better then buying new plastic bags thats sole purpose is to be thrown out...at least I'm reusing right?
Yesterday though I discovered biodegradable garbage bags. $4.99 for 20 bags for the very small ones (roughly 25cents a bag). So still more then paying for grocery bags which run between 5 and 10cents.
The bags actually seem different then regular plastic. And it says right on the box to keep them dry and inside to maintain their integrity. Hopefully this is a good option.
Yes, I recycle, but I can't compost. I live in an apartment so I have no backyard, and my city does not pick up compostables.
But thats not really what I've been curious about.
I have never been one to buy garbage bags. I mean seriously do we need more plastic bags? I have always used old grocery bags to line the pails in my kitchen and bathroom. But since cloth bags became so readily available and many stores (even the upscale ones) are charging for bags my supply of 'free' garbage bags has dwindled.
So what to do?
Continue to get plastic grocery bags every 3rd shop to keep my supplies up? However pop culture would have one believe that using plastic is evil. But that is at least better then buying new plastic bags thats sole purpose is to be thrown out...at least I'm reusing right?
Yesterday though I discovered biodegradable garbage bags. $4.99 for 20 bags for the very small ones (roughly 25cents a bag). So still more then paying for grocery bags which run between 5 and 10cents.
The bags actually seem different then regular plastic. And it says right on the box to keep them dry and inside to maintain their integrity. Hopefully this is a good option.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Can't Do It.
Phone sex.
I can't do it.
Lumberjack and I had our first encounter with, I suppose, the inevitable last night.
The phone was ringing as I stepped out of the shower.
“Hey you just caught me getting out of the shower”
“So you’re not wearing anything”
“No actually I’m not”
“Tell me what else you’re doing”
And that’s were I start laughing and say sorry I can’t do it.
One would think someone in an LD relationship might enjoy a little sexy time over the air waves. But me I find it forced and fake.
I’d rather do the real thing or nothing at all….
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Long Distance....?
Lumberjack and I are officially in a long distance...er...something.
As I've said before he lives in Timmins, which is 8 hours away. Lucky for me he works on the road and that brings him near me fairly regularly.
But not lately and not in the near future.
They have him traveling all over northern Ontario.
Not sure when he'll be back to where the snow has been gone for over a month. (seriously his plans last weekend included keeping beer cold in a snow bank*. It was 24C where I was, and thats tanning weather!)
Was I premature in saying that long distance would work? Does it ever work? The only time it makes sense is in short predetermined lengths of time (you know a 3 month internship out of town sort of thing). We are long distance indefinitely. No end point. We never even had a relationship in order to base this on. It seems crazy to be even attempting a relationship. Yet when I climb into bed at night its his arms I wish it was his chest my head rested on, his arms around me.
I'm hesitant to call him my boyfriend. I don't feel like a girlfriend. We talk regularly. We laugh. We complain about how long its been since we've seen each other, taking comfort in the fact that the other feels the same way.
Ultimately it comes down to the fact our lives are kilometers apart. 682km. Can that distance be bridged?
We are tied together by threads.
Thread can be incredibly strong, or snap in an instant.
*note I originally wrote this a few weeks ago and am hoping that the snow has finally melted up there, however they are calling for some this weekend.
As I've said before he lives in Timmins, which is 8 hours away. Lucky for me he works on the road and that brings him near me fairly regularly.
But not lately and not in the near future.
They have him traveling all over northern Ontario.
Not sure when he'll be back to where the snow has been gone for over a month. (seriously his plans last weekend included keeping beer cold in a snow bank*. It was 24C where I was, and thats tanning weather!)
Was I premature in saying that long distance would work? Does it ever work? The only time it makes sense is in short predetermined lengths of time (you know a 3 month internship out of town sort of thing). We are long distance indefinitely. No end point. We never even had a relationship in order to base this on. It seems crazy to be even attempting a relationship. Yet when I climb into bed at night its his arms I wish it was his chest my head rested on, his arms around me.
I'm hesitant to call him my boyfriend. I don't feel like a girlfriend. We talk regularly. We laugh. We complain about how long its been since we've seen each other, taking comfort in the fact that the other feels the same way.
Ultimately it comes down to the fact our lives are kilometers apart. 682km. Can that distance be bridged?
We are tied together by threads.
Thread can be incredibly strong, or snap in an instant.
*note I originally wrote this a few weeks ago and am hoping that the snow has finally melted up there, however they are calling for some this weekend.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Evidence of a Lost Mind II
Two more tidbits to prove I have indeed lost my mind:
- A few weeks ago I drove back and forth down the same 2km stretch of road trying to decided which way I needed to go only to realized I had it right the first time. I have lived in this city for almost 9months and still am constantly lost.
- Last weekend I got lost again on the same stretch. Only this time my parents were party to my disorientation. (The reason I was driving? I apparently know my way around....)
- Last night after spending 3 hours diluting samples to be analyzed today I stored them in the fridge so would stay fresh. Unfortunately what I determined was a fridge was indeed a freezer. (Don't worry samples not ruined...just frozen and in need of thawing before they can be run)
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