Babies.
All my friends are having them. Married friends and not married friends (actually it seems more people are not getting married but choosing to have kids instead of marriage, or at least before marriage).
I am very happy for each of my girlfriends when they announced their impending bundle of joy. Seriously I am happy for them. But each time I hear we're going to have/to start trying to have a baby its I feel my heart drop.
Apparently I am selfish.
I don't want things to change. I like that in the summers we can sit around the pool/lake and drink one too many cocktails (or any at all!). I like that our conversations are not centered around how well Suzy is sleeping or how do you knit soakers (what the hell are soakers?).
I hate to say it, but I'm jealous of my best friends suddenly having more in common with our "fringe" friends then they do with me.
I'm starting to feel left behind.
I'm 27, still in school (or in school again?), no serious boyfriend to speak of. Kids just are not on my radar. The fact that they feature so prominently in some of my friends lives makes me wonder if I've been doing something wrong.
What prompted this?
PhD. The last girlfriend from my hometown, my last unmarried, unpregnant girlfriend told me today that she and her bf will likely starting trying in the fall.
Worst of all, she was scared to tell me. She was afraid of my reaction.
Which is of course Happy.
With a side of sinking heart.
i TOTALLY understand.
ReplyDeletei don't want a baby. not at all. i just want all the things that make you think maybe you do want a baby.
~b
Baby's will come... in the meantime enjoy your cocktails and enjoy being able to give other peoples baby's back to them when they soil their little diapers!
ReplyDeleteThere is so much of my life that has been put on hold now until "Linden goes to kindergarten."
Yesterday Patrick went snowshoeing with friends and guess who got stuck at home serving tea and cookies to six year olds?? That's right - I did. While also listening to Linden whine constantly about everything - since he refuses to use words that I know he has in him!! Sometimes I understand why a housewife would become an alcoholic..
I tell you what - move to BC (DC in particular) and I will share my gaffers with you!
You can do distance ed for your masters can't you??
T - I think you miss understood. I don't want babies (at least not in the foreseeable future). I don't want my friends having babies either (thats the selfish part). Their choices are impacting my life. I am happy that they are happy to be ready for parenthood, and I DO want to be a part of it all, it just sometimes makes me feel isolated.
ReplyDeleteyeeesh, that's hard when it's your close circle. try to spend more time with your university crowd and ladies more like you. i'm sure the marrieds and moms are jealous of your single life... at least that's what they tell me ;)
ReplyDelete