Packing...or not...

It's getting close to moving day. That means I have to pack.

I Absolutely Hate packing.

I'm looking around at the tiny room I've been living if for the past *gasp* year, and everything is in complete disarray.

It's awful.

I hate living like this, but this room is currently holding almost all of my worldly possessions and is a mere 8'x10'. Yeah thats right. Not only does it have all my current possessions, it also contains remnants of my childhood: Bunnikins tea set, multiple unicorn music boxes and many dead flowers from special occasions gone by.

One might think the though of muliple rooms in which to keep said possession would cause me to leap into action...sadly no. The idea of wading through the wreakage of this room is not appealing at all.

Moving in however. Is something I love! I don't think I'll ever tire of getting things out of boxes and finding just the right place for them to help make my accomadations my home.

But for now its just Thursday night. Packing is something best left til weekends, when it can be spiced up some with wine.

. . . These Are The Day's Of My Life.

The decision has been made. I'm moving home. *sigh*

Sometimes this makes me feel like a big huge failure. 25 years old moving back in with my parents and little bother and sister. I haven't lived there since I was 18. I have to keep taking deep breaths in order to stave off the waves of panic.

What sealed my fate...two things really. The first being nothing came of my Windsor interview. The second being that as I walked around handing out resumes for a serving job I had to hold back tears. Literally.

I decided its time to regroup and refocus. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. I mean other people seem to be able to get jobs. I've applied to almost 40 jobs in the last 2 months, and I've gotten two interviews...and you know I really thought I might have gotten that last one, because I did not want to move to Windsor. What kind of stupid logic is that? I finally get the job I've been looking for for 3 years and but only if its in a place I didn't really want to move to.

One more bonus about the move home is that my next door neighbour is a Councillor for the District of Muskoka and is looking into jobs/volunteer opportunities for me n the area. I am a little late for the job stuff...most summer positions hire in March, but you never know...I'm going to try to be cautiously optimistic.

I'm also going to be cautiously optimistic with Mr. Muskoka. Who will for now on be known by name. Jason. Or more commonly Jay...so the short from of J, is just so handy! There are still things I worry about, and there wasn't/still isn't any Zsa Zsa Zu. But there's something. I'm not sure what, maybe it won't be enough, maybe I'll run away like I've done before, or maybe I'll give it my all, and still get my heart broken like I've done before. But I won't know if I don't try. I've survived the heart break, and I know I won't survive the loneliness that comes with not trying.

And so I pack my car and look to future.