I have finally deleted A Certain Ex from my cell phone.
In a moment of strength I realized enough was enough. And while in the past his number had proven invaluable to me, that is no longer true. There will always be another way, someone else, someone better to call.
In the past month I have come to realize the man who meant the world to me for 4 years is no longer that man. He is hardly a shadow of that man. For four years we dated and it went from fabulous to much less then not good. For four years after that we, well I don’t know what we were really. For a while we were nothing. I was in another serious relationship, but when that relationship ended he was there for me when my girlfriends couldn’t be.
I now think he took advantage of me while I was fragile and lonely. I don’t think it was his intention, but it was the outcome.
In a way I still loved him. I suppose a part of me will always love the man he used to be, and our unwritten fairytale.
But I’m growing up, and as they say its time to put away childish things.
So to avoid unnecessary temptation he has been removed from my cell phone, and therefore my life, if not in a physical way, the most literal way I can.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
The Unexpected
Many things in life can be unexpected. Surprise parties. Promotions. A kind word. A harsh word. A car accident. Marriage proposals. A sweet smile.
Or unexpected reactions to situations.
This has been a long cool wet spring full of unexpected reactions and self realizations.
Two months ago I was in attendance at a Stag & Doe. Which is in and of itself not an uncommon event. However this particular Stag & Doe was thrown by the Best Man, also not uncommon, one might say it is even expected. The Best Man threw this Stag & Doe for his best friend in their home town and invited the out of towners to crash at his house. All this may very well seem to fit into the realm of the perfectly ordinary. This Best Man is also my Ex Accountant. The Ex whom I had not spoken to once since I, in tears, walked out of his apartment two years ago. The Ex who replied “Did you call about a parking permit?” when I said “I love you.” The Ex who said “I don’t miss you when you’re gone.” The Ex who pretended to have forgotten our anniversary when in fact he had remembered it, but chose not to acknowledge or spend it with me.
The town these boys call home is 350km from my cabin in the forest, thus qualifying me as an out of towner.
One might ask: Why go?
It is an exceptionally long way to travel, with the added expense of a hotel room once arrived. Clearly staying at his place was not an option. I can answer that question with one word.
Bridesmaid.
I had known this day was coming for a long time. From the moment my dear friend asked me to be a part of her day, I knew I would no longer be able to pretend the year (exactly) I had spend with my Ex Accountant had never happened. That I would have to face him and all those who knew us when we were together. I had been able to avoid this entirely for the first year after our break up as the only friends we held mutually were safely living on the entire other side of the world in Australia. These friends returned from Australia one year ago, engaged, and I for the first time in a year I really dealt with the loss of a relationship that spanned a very transitional year in my life.
I thought I was prepared for any possible reaction or situation resulting from once again laying eyes on this man. The realization I was still in love. The stabbing pain in my stomach when I saw him with his new lady. Him realizing he had let me go too easily. A dramatic scene complete with tears and raised voices. Or the reaction I was most hoping for….nothing. A hello, maybe a hug, a how are things going for you? And once the ice was broken, maybe we could pretend to be friends for long enough that eventually we stopped pretending. I mean we shared a year together, clearly we had something in common.
Well I got what I wanted.
Nothing.
However the nothing I got and the nothing defined above are very different.
Arriving at the hall I was very nervous. I was at the disadvantage. This was his town, these were his friends, he had planned the whole thing. Even as part of the bridal party I felt out of place. Like I was crashing a party I had every reason, no, a duty to attend.
I was received as a stranger. The people I had spent a year of my life with didn’t seem to recognize me. My Ex himself did not attempt to speak with me. When I approached him with an offer to help tidy up, he turned me away.
I don’t need to be friends with him. Thankfully, when I did lay eyes on him, aside from the shock of physically seeing him, I had no residual feelings. I just do not want to feel that way at the wedding. I do not want to feel like that at the rehearsal dinner, which by the way, coincides with my Twenty-Seventh Birthday. [Yes I have to spend my 27th with a man who would rather pretend I no longer existed.]
I just don’t understand that sort of behaviour.
Unfortunately I will be attending this wedding unescorted. That’s right dateless. I don’t think its appropriate to bring a “non-significant other” to a wedding in which I’m a part of leaving the poor guy to amuse himself while I’m with the ladies getting ready, while pictures are being taken, while I’m sitting at the head table and he is sitting somewhere else. So like in so many other situations, I will be arriving unaccompanied.
As time goes on, I am beginning to be more comfortable with that.
Or unexpected reactions to situations.
This has been a long cool wet spring full of unexpected reactions and self realizations.
Two months ago I was in attendance at a Stag & Doe. Which is in and of itself not an uncommon event. However this particular Stag & Doe was thrown by the Best Man, also not uncommon, one might say it is even expected. The Best Man threw this Stag & Doe for his best friend in their home town and invited the out of towners to crash at his house. All this may very well seem to fit into the realm of the perfectly ordinary. This Best Man is also my Ex Accountant. The Ex whom I had not spoken to once since I, in tears, walked out of his apartment two years ago. The Ex who replied “Did you call about a parking permit?” when I said “I love you.” The Ex who said “I don’t miss you when you’re gone.” The Ex who pretended to have forgotten our anniversary when in fact he had remembered it, but chose not to acknowledge or spend it with me.
The town these boys call home is 350km from my cabin in the forest, thus qualifying me as an out of towner.
One might ask: Why go?
It is an exceptionally long way to travel, with the added expense of a hotel room once arrived. Clearly staying at his place was not an option. I can answer that question with one word.
Bridesmaid.
I had known this day was coming for a long time. From the moment my dear friend asked me to be a part of her day, I knew I would no longer be able to pretend the year (exactly) I had spend with my Ex Accountant had never happened. That I would have to face him and all those who knew us when we were together. I had been able to avoid this entirely for the first year after our break up as the only friends we held mutually were safely living on the entire other side of the world in Australia. These friends returned from Australia one year ago, engaged, and I for the first time in a year I really dealt with the loss of a relationship that spanned a very transitional year in my life.
I thought I was prepared for any possible reaction or situation resulting from once again laying eyes on this man. The realization I was still in love. The stabbing pain in my stomach when I saw him with his new lady. Him realizing he had let me go too easily. A dramatic scene complete with tears and raised voices. Or the reaction I was most hoping for….nothing. A hello, maybe a hug, a how are things going for you? And once the ice was broken, maybe we could pretend to be friends for long enough that eventually we stopped pretending. I mean we shared a year together, clearly we had something in common.
Well I got what I wanted.
Nothing.
However the nothing I got and the nothing defined above are very different.
Arriving at the hall I was very nervous. I was at the disadvantage. This was his town, these were his friends, he had planned the whole thing. Even as part of the bridal party I felt out of place. Like I was crashing a party I had every reason, no, a duty to attend.
I was received as a stranger. The people I had spent a year of my life with didn’t seem to recognize me. My Ex himself did not attempt to speak with me. When I approached him with an offer to help tidy up, he turned me away.
I don’t need to be friends with him. Thankfully, when I did lay eyes on him, aside from the shock of physically seeing him, I had no residual feelings. I just do not want to feel that way at the wedding. I do not want to feel like that at the rehearsal dinner, which by the way, coincides with my Twenty-Seventh Birthday. [Yes I have to spend my 27th with a man who would rather pretend I no longer existed.]
I just don’t understand that sort of behaviour.
Unfortunately I will be attending this wedding unescorted. That’s right dateless. I don’t think its appropriate to bring a “non-significant other” to a wedding in which I’m a part of leaving the poor guy to amuse himself while I’m with the ladies getting ready, while pictures are being taken, while I’m sitting at the head table and he is sitting somewhere else. So like in so many other situations, I will be arriving unaccompanied.
As time goes on, I am beginning to be more comfortable with that.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
"Spring" = Twitterpaition
I've waited to post this until I was less twitterpaited. Otherwise I may have declared my undying love for Mr. Rubik's Cube (RC). Hmmm. It seems I may have just done so anyway.
A couple of weeks ago I went to visit RC and my mutual friends. I had some business in the city in which they live, and it was PhD's bf's birthday. Perfect time for the second meeting.
I have to admit I was excited when I found out he was coming. I was extra excited when I found out he originally wasn't coming but changed his mind when he heard that I was.
Over the course of the weekend I found out more tid bits of info that mean he and I are meant to be. That's right I said it.
*For example, he's a Star Wars fan. I am too. There I said it out loud. I love Star Wars. Not in a dress-up-in-costumes-and-act-out-scenes kind of way but more of a I just-really-liked-the-movies-and-possibly-may-have-read-post-movies-books kind of way. Whereas the Ex Accountant needed me to "explain" the movies to him. Um, they're movies, that children understand.
*His last name and my last name begin with the same letter therefore if we get married (whoa who knew I could be 'this' girl?) my initials won't change. I am kind of partial to my initials over the course of the past 26 years I have developed a way of intertwining them that I enamored with.
*His parents live in a small town about a 1/2 hour from where my parents bought their future retirement home. Why is this important? Well I hate the idea of switching out holidays. As in this Christmas with the in-laws, next Christmas with my family. With everyone so close we can see both sides of the family ("the family" who is 'this' girl).
Clearly I am slightly crazy. I will blame it on the fact that spring and summer came and went in one week, and apparently winter is back. And he will never know about this ever. Because while I think its fine for me to list such important things, I would totally freak if I heard he was too.
Seeing as it had been 2 months since I had last seen him, and since summer is approaching, and come summer my schedule is "unpredictable." I decided something had to happen to move this little infatuation along. Throw into the mix, that he is the shyest guy I have come across in a long time and that PhD's house is a zoo (Seriously 5 people and 3 dogs!) well I had to take matters into my own hands.
The opportunity presented itself when he offered to walk me to bed. (Walk me to bed huh? All the way upstairs and down the hall, what a gentleman.) I accepted as it would be the first (an only) time we were alone all weekend. As we were standing at the door to the spare/my room he was looking at me in a way I was completely unable to read. And since I liked him and had had my share of delicious homemade wine that night I kissed him.
And...He spent the night with me.
We kissed some more, but didn't go farther then that. I can't when I really like someone, I need it to mean something. I need to know he wants to be with me not just with someone. And that was the look in his eyes I couldn't read.
Did he want to be with me? Did he want to see me again? Or did he just want to spend the night with me?
It's been 2 weeks and I still don't know.
That's right. The RC did not ask for my number. He did say I see you again since you're moving here now. (Which is true. I will most likely be moving to PhD's city, but not until September and I kind of wanted to see him before that). He may have tried to kiss me when we dropped him at the bus station. I can't be sure. I know I was going in for a check kiss so I may have thwarted his attempts.
All I get from PhD is that yes he likes me but a) he's shy (and here I thought I made it clear I liked him, maybe I didn't) and b) he apparently had a run in with a "mean girl."
Some of my friends think I should give up. And part of me thinks this is valid. I don't want to be with a guy whose too shy to ask for my number. I'm not worried about his "mean girl" from the past. I have also been damaged by boys who were less then careful with my heart. And he is the first guy in 3 years (yes 3 years) that I have been this interested in.
Maybe I'll get to know him better and the infatuation will go away, or maybe it will grow. Maybe I'll one day be Mrs. RC or maybe I'm setting my heart up for more damage.
Most of the fun is waiting to see how it plays out ;o)
A couple of weeks ago I went to visit RC and my mutual friends. I had some business in the city in which they live, and it was PhD's bf's birthday. Perfect time for the second meeting.
I have to admit I was excited when I found out he was coming. I was extra excited when I found out he originally wasn't coming but changed his mind when he heard that I was.
Over the course of the weekend I found out more tid bits of info that mean he and I are meant to be. That's right I said it.
*For example, he's a Star Wars fan. I am too. There I said it out loud. I love Star Wars. Not in a dress-up-in-costumes-and-act-out-scenes kind of way but more of a I just-really-liked-the-movies-and-possibly-may-have-read-post-movies-books kind of way. Whereas the Ex Accountant needed me to "explain" the movies to him. Um, they're movies, that children understand.
*His last name and my last name begin with the same letter therefore if we get married (whoa who knew I could be 'this' girl?) my initials won't change. I am kind of partial to my initials over the course of the past 26 years I have developed a way of intertwining them that I enamored with.
*His parents live in a small town about a 1/2 hour from where my parents bought their future retirement home. Why is this important? Well I hate the idea of switching out holidays. As in this Christmas with the in-laws, next Christmas with my family. With everyone so close we can see both sides of the family ("the family" who is 'this' girl).
Clearly I am slightly crazy. I will blame it on the fact that spring and summer came and went in one week, and apparently winter is back. And he will never know about this ever. Because while I think its fine for me to list such important things, I would totally freak if I heard he was too.
Seeing as it had been 2 months since I had last seen him, and since summer is approaching, and come summer my schedule is "unpredictable." I decided something had to happen to move this little infatuation along. Throw into the mix, that he is the shyest guy I have come across in a long time and that PhD's house is a zoo (Seriously 5 people and 3 dogs!) well I had to take matters into my own hands.
The opportunity presented itself when he offered to walk me to bed. (Walk me to bed huh? All the way upstairs and down the hall, what a gentleman.) I accepted as it would be the first (an only) time we were alone all weekend. As we were standing at the door to the spare/my room he was looking at me in a way I was completely unable to read. And since I liked him and had had my share of delicious homemade wine that night I kissed him.
And...He spent the night with me.
We kissed some more, but didn't go farther then that. I can't when I really like someone, I need it to mean something. I need to know he wants to be with me not just with someone. And that was the look in his eyes I couldn't read.
Did he want to be with me? Did he want to see me again? Or did he just want to spend the night with me?
It's been 2 weeks and I still don't know.
That's right. The RC did not ask for my number. He did say I see you again since you're moving here now. (Which is true. I will most likely be moving to PhD's city, but not until September and I kind of wanted to see him before that). He may have tried to kiss me when we dropped him at the bus station. I can't be sure. I know I was going in for a check kiss so I may have thwarted his attempts.
All I get from PhD is that yes he likes me but a) he's shy (and here I thought I made it clear I liked him, maybe I didn't) and b) he apparently had a run in with a "mean girl."
Some of my friends think I should give up. And part of me thinks this is valid. I don't want to be with a guy whose too shy to ask for my number. I'm not worried about his "mean girl" from the past. I have also been damaged by boys who were less then careful with my heart. And he is the first guy in 3 years (yes 3 years) that I have been this interested in.
Maybe I'll get to know him better and the infatuation will go away, or maybe it will grow. Maybe I'll one day be Mrs. RC or maybe I'm setting my heart up for more damage.
Most of the fun is waiting to see how it plays out ;o)
Saturday, April 26, 2008
I'm Free
Yesterday was my last day car-pooling to work. I am free from traveling to and from work with my supervisor that I cannot stand.
Its not that he's a bad guy he's an Okay guy, but man, I won't miss him when my contract is up. I am definitely not going to miss how chatty he is at 7:30am.
Here are some of the awkward/annoying things he does/did:
~A squirrel made a dash for it in front of my car. He in the passenger seat, jerked so hard he spilled coffee all over. When I questioned him about it...he said he thought it was a deer. 3 inch tall squirrel : 5 foot tall deer? Not exactly the same. p.s. I didn't hit the squirrel.
~When I ask him a question, he blinks his eyes very slowly and nods, making me (and anyone else he does this to) feel like an idiot.
~He never paid my friend back when she bought him a ticket for a film festival.
~He wears his pants wrong. Not sure how exactly, but its wrong.
~When he doesn't know the answer to a question he makes one up
~His hair....
~Once he asked me out (awkward) and then cancelled via text. For which I was very thankful, as I was about to text him that "something had come up"
~He always has a story that's better then yours. No matter what the original story is.
~He tells me (at 7:30am) about his dates.
~The sole sound of his voice makes my skin crawl
But now I'm free!!!!
Even better, as of Thursday, I am on a new contract with a New Supervisor.
He will become someone I see in passing, sure he'll still run the lab, and I'll be in the lab from time to time but I will no longer work for him nor will I drive with him.
And that feels great!
Its not that he's a bad guy he's an Okay guy, but man, I won't miss him when my contract is up. I am definitely not going to miss how chatty he is at 7:30am.
Here are some of the awkward/annoying things he does/did:
~A squirrel made a dash for it in front of my car. He in the passenger seat, jerked so hard he spilled coffee all over. When I questioned him about it...he said he thought it was a deer. 3 inch tall squirrel : 5 foot tall deer? Not exactly the same. p.s. I didn't hit the squirrel.
~When I ask him a question, he blinks his eyes very slowly and nods, making me (and anyone else he does this to) feel like an idiot.
~He never paid my friend back when she bought him a ticket for a film festival.
~He wears his pants wrong. Not sure how exactly, but its wrong.
~When he doesn't know the answer to a question he makes one up
~His hair....
~Once he asked me out (awkward) and then cancelled via text. For which I was very thankful, as I was about to text him that "something had come up"
~He always has a story that's better then yours. No matter what the original story is.
~He tells me (at 7:30am) about his dates.
~The sole sound of his voice makes my skin crawl
But now I'm free!!!!
Even better, as of Thursday, I am on a new contract with a New Supervisor.
He will become someone I see in passing, sure he'll still run the lab, and I'll be in the lab from time to time but I will no longer work for him nor will I drive with him.
And that feels great!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
C.O.D.
For Christmas I got this:
Beautiful isn't it?
So you can imagine how sad I was when one day about a month ago I came home from work, popped my iPod in it's slot and got...No Sound! Nothing! Nada! I could see it working but couldn't hear anything.
This immediately lead to a medium sized panic attack, as I only just recently got my iPod back from 2 month away (2 MONTHS) from making no sound. I couldn't believe that my iPod was broken again, and after some very scientific testing, it turned out that my iPod was in working order but my dock was not.
At least that is still under warranty.
After calling the company I was told I would have to mail the stereo back to them for maintenance. Back to them mean Philadelphia. And therefore at least a $20 shipping fee. Oh and no they wouldn't me mailing me a postage paid box to preform said shipping. (I asked because when my computer crashed, that's what Compaq did)
So you imagine my surprise when about a week later a package arrived COD from Altec Lansing. I couldn't imagine they gave in and mailed me a box, and then charge me the postage. And no they didn't. Instead the mailed me a brand new stereo, and charged me the shipping. (What kind of company is this?)
So now I have two. One that works and one broken one. I am not going to pay another $20 to mail the broken one back to them...but I might pay someone to make it work (is that unethical? Its not like I asked them to mail a new one and there was nothing in the box but the stereo, no instructions whatsoever)
The really weird part is that they never even verified that I'd only that the first system for less the the one year warranty. They just shipped out a new one...so weird.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Packing...or not...
It's getting close to moving day. That means I have to pack.
I Absolutely Hate packing.
I'm looking around at the tiny room I've been living if for the past *gasp* year, and everything is in complete disarray.
It's awful.
I hate living like this, but this room is currently holding almost all of my worldly possessions and is a mere 8'x10'. Yeah thats right. Not only does it have all my current possessions, it also contains remnants of my childhood: Bunnikins tea set, multiple unicorn music boxes and many dead flowers from special occasions gone by.
One might think the though of muliple rooms in which to keep said possession would cause me to leap into action...sadly no. The idea of wading through the wreakage of this room is not appealing at all.
Moving in however. Is something I love! I don't think I'll ever tire of getting things out of boxes and finding just the right place for them to help make my accomadations my home.
But for now its just Thursday night. Packing is something best left til weekends, when it can be spiced up some with wine.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Here's to Plan D!
They tell you when you get older that time will move quicker.
As I child I thought this was ridiculous. I had learned about time in school, and there was no physical way to speed it up. I knew this because I had experienced just how long it took for my birthday to roll around every year...or Christmas...Halloween.
Oddly, it turned out that those grown-ups were correct.
Time does somehow have a way of speeding up on us. Not that you notice it in a day to day way. But more a week to week, or especially year to year. It is even increasingly more apparent when babies turn into toddlers, and toddlers into children and children into teenagers in what seems to be the equivalent of a week.
While I have no children of my own to watch, I am an "Auntie" to several small ones, some of whom are not actually that small anymore, and some of whom have yet to join us in the world, but as this time paradox shows, they will all be teenagers, by next fall, tops.
Upon reaching my mid-twenties, I've begun to take stock of my life. What I have accomplished? What do I regret? What should I have done by now? What do I want to do before I'm 30? (That's really the scary one, even the thought I could possibly be approaching 30...how did that happen?)
Turns out much of what I had planned for my life has not yet happened. (Some of these plans originated when I was about 15, and what did I know about life then!) These things include marriage and children. As of yet I have neither, but this does not bother me that much. I do however find it odd to think, that if I had followed Plan A, I would have been married for about a year by now, and planning children....whoa.
Plan B included a successful job and living in a small city somewhere working out how to save the world. I have a job, and if you measure success on a monetary scale...I'm slightly (and by slightly, I mean a lot) less successful then Plan B dictated, also, I live in a small town, with my parents.
When I realized Plan B was shot to hell I formulated Plan C. I liked Plan C of all my previous plans 'C' was definitely looking up. It allowed me to continue to live with my parents while working at my less-successful-then-hoped job while I gained enough "experience" to move on to the previously defined "successful job." All the while I would be paying off my car loan, my student loan and saving up to buy...a house! That's right I was throwing the old custom away, that you needed to "be" with someone to buy a house. I was going to save-up up and do it on my own!, by the time I was 30 (that gave me almost 4 years to save and get said "successful" job which I thought was sufficient time.)
But now, it looks as though Plan C will also be going down the toilet to mingle with Plans A, B, and C *sigh*.
Nothing to do but move on to Plan D.
What is Plan D? Now that's a good question. This is once again a time of change and opportunity. Plan D has not yet been defined. I do however know it contains these essential parts:
(a) moving into a cabin near the water at the end of the month
(b) attempting to get accepted into Graduate school for the fall
(c) enjoying what may turn out to be my last full time summer in Muskoka (so far I have enjoyed what may have been my last full time Muskoka summer 2x! on to round 3)
Should element (b) work out, I'll be in school full time for 2 more years, graduating at *gasp* 29 years old! And while I'll be poor, I may come out with offers/opportunities for said successful jobs, and still be able to purchase said house. Best of both worlds really.
So here's to Plan D!
As I child I thought this was ridiculous. I had learned about time in school, and there was no physical way to speed it up. I knew this because I had experienced just how long it took for my birthday to roll around every year...or Christmas...Halloween.
Oddly, it turned out that those grown-ups were correct.
Time does somehow have a way of speeding up on us. Not that you notice it in a day to day way. But more a week to week, or especially year to year. It is even increasingly more apparent when babies turn into toddlers, and toddlers into children and children into teenagers in what seems to be the equivalent of a week.
While I have no children of my own to watch, I am an "Auntie" to several small ones, some of whom are not actually that small anymore, and some of whom have yet to join us in the world, but as this time paradox shows, they will all be teenagers, by next fall, tops.
Upon reaching my mid-twenties, I've begun to take stock of my life. What I have accomplished? What do I regret? What should I have done by now? What do I want to do before I'm 30? (That's really the scary one, even the thought I could possibly be approaching 30...how did that happen?)
Turns out much of what I had planned for my life has not yet happened. (Some of these plans originated when I was about 15, and what did I know about life then!) These things include marriage and children. As of yet I have neither, but this does not bother me that much. I do however find it odd to think, that if I had followed Plan A, I would have been married for about a year by now, and planning children....whoa.
Plan B included a successful job and living in a small city somewhere working out how to save the world. I have a job, and if you measure success on a monetary scale...I'm slightly (and by slightly, I mean a lot) less successful then Plan B dictated, also, I live in a small town, with my parents.
When I realized Plan B was shot to hell I formulated Plan C. I liked Plan C of all my previous plans 'C' was definitely looking up. It allowed me to continue to live with my parents while working at my less-successful-then-hoped job while I gained enough "experience" to move on to the previously defined "successful job." All the while I would be paying off my car loan, my student loan and saving up to buy...a house! That's right I was throwing the old custom away, that you needed to "be" with someone to buy a house. I was going to save-up up and do it on my own!, by the time I was 30 (that gave me almost 4 years to save and get said "successful" job which I thought was sufficient time.)
But now, it looks as though Plan C will also be going down the toilet to mingle with Plans A, B, and C *sigh*.
Nothing to do but move on to Plan D.
What is Plan D? Now that's a good question. This is once again a time of change and opportunity. Plan D has not yet been defined. I do however know it contains these essential parts:
(a) moving into a cabin near the water at the end of the month
(b) attempting to get accepted into Graduate school for the fall
(c) enjoying what may turn out to be my last full time summer in Muskoka (so far I have enjoyed what may have been my last full time Muskoka summer 2x! on to round 3)
Should element (b) work out, I'll be in school full time for 2 more years, graduating at *gasp* 29 years old! And while I'll be poor, I may come out with offers/opportunities for said successful jobs, and still be able to purchase said house. Best of both worlds really.
So here's to Plan D!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Grown-up vs. Adult
I am sure that one day I will be a real grown up. For now though...I'm a happy being only an adult.
The difference, and yes there is a difference, is subtle. Grown-up's are married, own houses or have children, or maybe as of yet they only have a dog (but as I see it dogs are practice children, some people don't like that, but from my experience, it goes: dog....baby). Adults on the other hand....I only classify myself as an adult due to the whole age thing (I mean 26, hardly a teenager) Suddenly no one will do stuff for you the way they used to. I had to buy my own car, and pay its insurance, and fix it when it breaks, and put gas in it, and cook my own food, and due my own laundry, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, change the light bulbs and toilet paper...you get it. But I'm not really tied to anything, house, kids, husband (boyfriend, significant other), dog or even fish...Theoretically, I can just gallivant off and do as I please, hence the subtle but significant difference between being an adult and a grown-up.
Seeing as the main difference is that no one depends on me to take care of them, financially, emotionally or otherwise, therefore as long as I make enough moola to cover my expenses I am able to spend or save the "extra" as I see fit. And what exactly am I spending these oodles of "extra" money on? (extra in quotations, because, who really has extra money laying around) Well possibly school...again. I know.
The Prof. I've been working for for almost 8 months, finally got his way and has convinced me it might be best to continue my education with a Master's degree. Master of Science. Now that would make me a real science geek wouldn't it. A Master science geek even.
None of this is set in stone, and a lot has to be done in a shortish period of time, but the ball is in motion for me to enroll at Trent University come September.
I'm equal parts excited and terrified, no make that 25% excited 75% terrified. Millions of "what if's" are flying through my head. None of which I'll post here, but it will make them more real. But the opportunity for a fresh start, a new city, new friends, new mentors, makes me smile inside. So I just may gallivant off to Peterborough, get a MSc. and put off becoming a grown-up for 2 more years.
The difference, and yes there is a difference, is subtle. Grown-up's are married, own houses or have children, or maybe as of yet they only have a dog (but as I see it dogs are practice children, some people don't like that, but from my experience, it goes: dog....baby). Adults on the other hand....I only classify myself as an adult due to the whole age thing (I mean 26, hardly a teenager) Suddenly no one will do stuff for you the way they used to. I had to buy my own car, and pay its insurance, and fix it when it breaks, and put gas in it, and cook my own food, and due my own laundry, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, change the light bulbs and toilet paper...you get it. But I'm not really tied to anything, house, kids, husband (boyfriend, significant other), dog or even fish...Theoretically, I can just gallivant off and do as I please, hence the subtle but significant difference between being an adult and a grown-up.
Seeing as the main difference is that no one depends on me to take care of them, financially, emotionally or otherwise, therefore as long as I make enough moola to cover my expenses I am able to spend or save the "extra" as I see fit. And what exactly am I spending these oodles of "extra" money on? (extra in quotations, because, who really has extra money laying around) Well possibly school...again. I know.
The Prof. I've been working for for almost 8 months, finally got his way and has convinced me it might be best to continue my education with a Master's degree. Master of Science. Now that would make me a real science geek wouldn't it. A Master science geek even.
None of this is set in stone, and a lot has to be done in a shortish period of time, but the ball is in motion for me to enroll at Trent University come September.
I'm equal parts excited and terrified, no make that 25% excited 75% terrified. Millions of "what if's" are flying through my head. None of which I'll post here, but it will make them more real. But the opportunity for a fresh start, a new city, new friends, new mentors, makes me smile inside. So I just may gallivant off to Peterborough, get a MSc. and put off becoming a grown-up for 2 more years.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
"The Good Boy"
The Right Wrong Boy
Or I suppose the Good Bad Boy.
That is what I think I'm looking for. Easy to find?
Or I suppose the Good Bad Boy.
That is what I think I'm looking for. Easy to find?
Nope.
See the problem is that I am attracted to the Wrong/Bad boy. ( I stubbornly refuse to call them men, at least until they start acting like men). I like to overly confident cocky type guys. You know those guys that walk the walk and talk the talk. I like to knock them down a few pegs (gently of course). In the way that makes them take notice, the guys that never had to work for girls and suddenly do. Think teenage romantic comedies where the popular quarterback falls for the slightly geeky but still cute unpopular girl (In this scenario that girl is me).
It's not that I don't like the "good boys". I just have never dated a "good boy." I think I may be too much for them. I used to be shy, almost painfully so. But now I've found that being shy doesn't get you what you want, what is does get you is a reputation for being aloof (fancy word for bitchy). So I'm overcoming/overcame it.
It's not that I don't like the "good boys". I just have never dated a "good boy." I think I may be too much for them. I used to be shy, almost painfully so. But now I've found that being shy doesn't get you what you want, what is does get you is a reputation for being aloof (fancy word for bitchy). So I'm overcoming/overcame it.
Maybe it's a late 20's thing, but I like science geeky self and refuse to be someone I'm not. And the person I am is sometimes loud, opinionated, and very well aware of what I want out of a relationship. By being "well aware" I mean as well as any single girl who's frightened of commitment is aware. Or well more accurately being abandoned after committing.
I happened to come across one such "good boy" in my travels, the other weekend. Unbelievably he is both single, and older then me. You know age starts becoming a problem, when one of your bestie's asks "And how old is this one?" The emphasis old. I could just see Kyfa cringing on the other end of the phone waiting for my standard reply of well, I think he's about....21, but you know a very mature 21. However now worries this time, this one will be turning 28 sometime this calender year.
He's cute, has a good job, has an apartment downtown, as in doesn't live with his parents (double standard I know, but seriously, both of us can't live with are parents!), he plays guitar (well) and get this, can solve Rubik's Cube puzzles. Seriously. I watched. Then I messed it up a little and tried to solve it myself. However in the process of "solving" the puzzle I muddled it up in a way that was seemingly hopeless. That is until I handed it over, and in about 5 minutes, he had all those frustrating little square of colour back on their respective sides.
It was this feat solely that cemented this crush. Therefore should we one day be married, I have a wonderful little anecdote for the wedding! The trick now is get this "good boy" to stiffen his back bone and ask me out!
This "good boy" does have drawbacks and they include.
(a) He lives downtown, as in TO. I currently live 2 hours from there. That can make casual dating difficult, as one of us has to drive 2 hour for said fictional dates.
I happened to come across one such "good boy" in my travels, the other weekend. Unbelievably he is both single, and older then me. You know age starts becoming a problem, when one of your bestie's asks "And how old is this one?" The emphasis old. I could just see Kyfa cringing on the other end of the phone waiting for my standard reply of well, I think he's about....21, but you know a very mature 21. However now worries this time, this one will be turning 28 sometime this calender year.
He's cute, has a good job, has an apartment downtown, as in doesn't live with his parents (double standard I know, but seriously, both of us can't live with are parents!), he plays guitar (well) and get this, can solve Rubik's Cube puzzles. Seriously. I watched. Then I messed it up a little and tried to solve it myself. However in the process of "solving" the puzzle I muddled it up in a way that was seemingly hopeless. That is until I handed it over, and in about 5 minutes, he had all those frustrating little square of colour back on their respective sides.
It was this feat solely that cemented this crush. Therefore should we one day be married, I have a wonderful little anecdote for the wedding! The trick now is get this "good boy" to stiffen his back bone and ask me out!
This "good boy" does have drawbacks and they include.
(a) He lives downtown, as in TO. I currently live 2 hours from there. That can make casual dating difficult, as one of us has to drive 2 hour for said fictional dates.
(b) When I say "one of us" I mean me, as he doesn't own a car. (This however is perfectly acceptable in the metropolis of Toronto, so more of an annoyance, then a real drawback)
(c) I met him through a good friend. Warning Cynical thoughts: Should things progress to a certain point, but then fizzle or worse crash, I may have to run into him again. Seeing as I already have 2 exes I'm obligated to see, I don't really want another. On the other hand, seeing as I already have 2 exes I'm obligated to see, what's one more?
(d) He hasn't actually asked me out. (I have it on good authority, it's not because "He's just not that into me" as he told my friend's boyfriend that he was into me)
As it stands now, there is no immediate future plans to see him again. Our mutual friend, Shki, does not live close to either of us, but has promised to casually mention me when she does see him.
(c) I met him through a good friend. Warning Cynical thoughts: Should things progress to a certain point, but then fizzle or worse crash, I may have to run into him again. Seeing as I already have 2 exes I'm obligated to see, I don't really want another. On the other hand, seeing as I already have 2 exes I'm obligated to see, what's one more?
(d) He hasn't actually asked me out. (I have it on good authority, it's not because "He's just not that into me" as he told my friend's boyfriend that he was into me)
As it stands now, there is no immediate future plans to see him again. Our mutual friend, Shki, does not live close to either of us, but has promised to casually mention me when she does see him.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)