C.O.D.

For Christmas I got this:

Beautiful isn't it?

So you can imagine how sad I was when one day about a month ago I came home from work, popped my iPod in it's slot and got...No Sound! Nothing! Nada! I could see it working but couldn't hear anything.

This immediately lead to a medium sized panic attack, as I only just recently got my iPod back from 2 month away (2 MONTHS) from making no sound. I couldn't believe that my iPod was broken again, and after some very scientific testing, it turned out that my iPod was in working order but my dock was not.

At least that is still under warranty.

After calling the company I was told I would have to mail the stereo back to them for maintenance. Back to them mean Philadelphia. And therefore at least a $20 shipping fee. Oh and no they wouldn't me mailing me a postage paid box to preform said shipping. (I asked because when my computer crashed, that's what Compaq did)

So you imagine my surprise when about a week later a package arrived COD from Altec Lansing. I couldn't imagine they gave in and mailed me a box, and then charge me the postage. And no they didn't. Instead the mailed me a brand new stereo, and charged me the shipping. (What kind of company is this?)

So now I have two. One that works and one broken one. I am not going to pay another $20 to mail the broken one back to them...but I might pay someone to make it work (is that unethical? Its not like I asked them to mail a new one and there was nothing in the box but the stereo, no instructions whatsoever)

The really weird part is that they never even verified that I'd only that the first system for less the the one year warranty. They just shipped out a new one...so weird.

Packing...or not...

It's getting close to moving day. That means I have to pack.

I Absolutely Hate packing.

I'm looking around at the tiny room I've been living if for the past *gasp* year, and everything is in complete disarray.

It's awful.

I hate living like this, but this room is currently holding almost all of my worldly possessions and is a mere 8'x10'. Yeah thats right. Not only does it have all my current possessions, it also contains remnants of my childhood: Bunnikins tea set, multiple unicorn music boxes and many dead flowers from special occasions gone by.

One might think the though of muliple rooms in which to keep said possession would cause me to leap into action...sadly no. The idea of wading through the wreakage of this room is not appealing at all.

Moving in however. Is something I love! I don't think I'll ever tire of getting things out of boxes and finding just the right place for them to help make my accomadations my home.

But for now its just Thursday night. Packing is something best left til weekends, when it can be spiced up some with wine.

Here's to Plan D!

They tell you when you get older that time will move quicker.

As I child I thought this was ridiculous. I had learned about time in school, and there was no physical way to speed it up. I knew this because I had experienced just how long it took for my birthday to roll around every year...or Christmas...Halloween.

Oddly, it turned out that those grown-ups were correct.

Time does somehow have a way of speeding up on us. Not that you notice it in a day to day way. But more a week to week, or especially year to year. It is even increasingly more apparent when babies turn into toddlers, and toddlers into children and children into teenagers in what seems to be the equivalent of a week.

While I have no children of my own to watch, I am an "Auntie" to several small ones, some of whom are not actually that small anymore, and some of whom have yet to join us in the world, but as this time paradox shows, they will all be teenagers, by next fall, tops.

Upon reaching my mid-twenties, I've begun to take stock of my life. What I have accomplished? What do I regret? What should I have done by now? What do I want to do before I'm 30? (That's really the scary one, even the thought I could possibly be approaching 30...how did that happen?)

Turns out much of what I had planned for my life has not yet happened. (Some of these plans originated when I was about 15, and what did I know about life then!) These things include marriage and children. As of yet I have neither, but this does not bother me that much. I do however find it odd to think, that if I had followed Plan A, I would have been married for about a year by now, and planning children....whoa.

Plan B included a successful job and living in a small city somewhere working out how to save the world. I have a job, and if you measure success on a monetary scale...I'm slightly (and by slightly, I mean a lot) less successful then Plan B dictated, also, I live in a small town, with my parents.

When I realized Plan B was shot to hell I formulated Plan C. I liked Plan C of all my previous plans 'C' was definitely looking up. It allowed me to continue to live with my parents while working at my less-successful-then-hoped job while I gained enough "experience" to move on to the previously defined "successful job." All the while I would be paying off my car loan, my student loan and saving up to buy...a house! That's right I was throwing the old custom away, that you needed to "be" with someone to buy a house. I was going to save-up up and do it on my own!, by the time I was 30 (that gave me almost 4 years to save and get said "successful" job which I thought was sufficient time.)

But now, it looks as though Plan C will also be going down the toilet to mingle with Plans A, B, and C *sigh*.

Nothing to do but move on to Plan D.

What is Plan D? Now that's a good question. This is once again a time of change and opportunity. Plan D has not yet been defined. I do however know it contains these essential parts:

(a) moving into a cabin near the water at the end of the month
(b) attempting to get accepted into Graduate school for the fall
(c) enjoying what may turn out to be my last full time summer in Muskoka (so far I have enjoyed what may have been my last full time Muskoka summer 2x! on to round 3)

Should element (b) work out, I'll be in school full time for 2 more years, graduating at *gasp* 29 years old! And while I'll be poor, I may come out with offers/opportunities for said successful jobs, and still be able to purchase said house. Best of both worlds really.

So here's to Plan D!

Grown-up vs. Adult

I am sure that one day I will be a real grown up. For now though...I'm a happy being only an adult.



The difference, and yes there is a difference, is subtle. Grown-up's are married, own houses or have children, or maybe as of yet they only have a dog (but as I see it dogs are practice children, some people don't like that, but from my experience, it goes: dog....baby). Adults on the other hand....I only classify myself as an adult due to the whole age thing (I mean 26, hardly a teenager) Suddenly no one will do stuff for you the way they used to. I had to buy my own car, and pay its insurance, and fix it when it breaks, and put gas in it, and cook my own food, and due my own laundry, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, change the light bulbs and toilet paper...you get it. But I'm not really tied to anything, house, kids, husband (boyfriend, significant other), dog or even fish...Theoretically, I can just gallivant off and do as I please, hence the subtle but significant difference between being an adult and a grown-up.



Seeing as the main difference is that no one depends on me to take care of them, financially, emotionally or otherwise, therefore as long as I make enough moola to cover my expenses I am able to spend or save the "extra" as I see fit. And what exactly am I spending these oodles of "extra" money on? (extra in quotations, because, who really has extra money laying around) Well possibly school...again. I know.



The Prof. I've been working for for almost 8 months, finally got his way and has convinced me it might be best to continue my education with a Master's degree. Master of Science. Now that would make me a real science geek wouldn't it. A Master science geek even.



None of this is set in stone, and a lot has to be done in a shortish period of time, but the ball is in motion for me to enroll at Trent University come September.



I'm equal parts excited and terrified, no make that 25% excited 75% terrified. Millions of "what if's" are flying through my head. None of which I'll post here, but it will make them more real. But the opportunity for a fresh start, a new city, new friends, new mentors, makes me smile inside. So I just may gallivant off to Peterborough, get a MSc. and put off becoming a grown-up for 2 more years.

"The Good Boy"

The Right Wrong Boy

Or I suppose the Good Bad Boy.

That is what I think I'm looking for. Easy to find?

Nope.

See the problem is that I am attracted to the Wrong/Bad boy. ( I stubbornly refuse to call them men, at least until they start acting like men). I like to overly confident cocky type guys. You know those guys that walk the walk and talk the talk. I like to knock them down a few pegs (gently of course). In the way that makes them take notice, the guys that never had to work for girls and suddenly do. Think teenage romantic comedies where the popular quarterback falls for the slightly geeky but still cute unpopular girl (In this scenario that girl is me).

It's not that I don't like the "good boys". I just have never dated a "good boy." I think I may be too much for them. I used to be shy, almost painfully so. But now I've found that being shy doesn't get you what you want, what is does get you is a reputation for being aloof (fancy word for bitchy). So I'm overcoming/overcame it.

Maybe it's a late 20's thing, but I like science geeky self and refuse to be someone I'm not. And the person I am is sometimes loud, opinionated, and very well aware of what I want out of a relationship. By being "well aware" I mean as well as any single girl who's frightened of commitment is aware. Or well more accurately being abandoned after committing.

I happened to come across one such "good boy" in my travels, the other weekend. Unbelievably he is both single, and older then me. You know age starts becoming a problem, when one of your bestie's asks "And how old is this one?" The emphasis old. I could just see Kyfa cringing on the other end of the phone waiting for my standard reply of well, I think he's about....21, but you know a very mature 21. However now worries this time, this one will be turning 28 sometime this calender year.

He's cute, has a good job, has an apartment downtown, as in doesn't live with his parents (double standard I know, but seriously, both of us can't live with are parents!), he plays guitar (well) and get this, can solve Rubik's Cube puzzles. Seriously. I watched. Then I messed it up a little and tried to solve it myself. However in the process of "solving" the puzzle I muddled it up in a way that was seemingly hopeless. That is until I handed it over, and in about 5 minutes, he had all those frustrating little square of colour back on their respective sides.

It was this feat solely that cemented this crush. Therefore should we one day be married, I have a wonderful little anecdote for the wedding! The trick now is get this "good boy" to stiffen his back bone and ask me out!

This "good boy" does have drawbacks and they include.

(a) He lives downtown, as in TO. I currently live 2 hours from there. That can make casual dating difficult, as one of us has to drive 2 hour for said fictional dates.

(b) When I say "one of us" I mean me, as he doesn't own a car. (This however is perfectly acceptable in the metropolis of Toronto, so more of an annoyance, then a real drawback)
(c) I met him through a good friend. Warning Cynical thoughts: Should things progress to a certain point, but then fizzle or worse crash, I may have to run into him again. Seeing as I already have 2 exes I'm obligated to see, I don't really want another. On the other hand, seeing as I already have 2 exes I'm obligated to see, what's one more?
(d) He hasn't actually asked me out. (I have it on good authority, it's not because "He's just not that into me" as he told my friend's boyfriend that he was into me)

As it stands now, there is no immediate future plans to see him again. Our mutual friend, Shki, does not live close to either of us, but has promised to casually mention me when she does see him.

That Big Mountain Feeling

I choose to be happy.







This has been my mandate for the year 2008. Sometimes this is remarkably easy to do. Other times, nearly impossible.

The entire premise is based upon the fact that we have the tendency to see the worst in people, expect the worse, and in general assume bad things are going to happen to you. Basically you end up sweating the small stuff that really there is no reason to worry about. I mean why worry about something that might not ever happen? Or why let a bad mood ruin an otherwise wonderful night with friends? I know I have. Once I’m down in the dumps it can be hard to get out of, it’s so horribly easy to dwell on the bad stuff and then let it snowball out in disproportionately gigantic, implausible "what ifs".

So instead I choose to not worry. To not dwell. To remove myself from situations, that makes that impossible. Take a deep breath and remember the feeling I had zooming down Big Mountain over my NYE holiday.

It all sounds so very Zen, and grown-up. I pat myself on the back at how responsible and enlightened I have become. Why to go Me!

And yet, I am not on speaking terms with one of my co-workers (I don't know why, but my iPod gets me through the day). I still choose the wrong men (sometimes I even choose the same wrong man repeatedly). I still dream incessantly that my real life will start any day now.

Maybe the first step is to realize I have control of how I feel on a day to day basis. Then you work on making decisions that allow to just be happy, not to have to choose to be happy.


However this new ablitly of mine. It really does work wonders. I smile a lot more. And who doesn't want to smile more?

Hindsight

They say that hindsight is 20/20. And I think that they are right. As I look back on the year 2007, there are somethings I am not proud of. Things I don't like to even admit to myself. However there are good things too. This was a year of 2 steps forward and 1 step back.




I finally found that job I've been questing after to 3 years, only to be bored and frustrated by it at the moment (or maybe a little less the job and more the people, yeah its the people). It's also frustrating that said dream job does not quite pay a wage that would let me live in my own place own my car and from time to time go out for fun. So I am living in my childhood bedroom, in the town I worked so hard to get out of. More frustrating is that while my 2 of my good friends did move back to Canada one is in Calgary, and the other is in Toronto (who I can luckily usually see at least once a month), but my friends here in town, have suddenly it seems become grown-ups. All are married or engaged, and all have small children or have recently announced pregnancies. And all seem to forget that I have moved back to town regardless of the fact that I have been here for 8 months now. They throw dinner parties. And I can't help but wonder if I wouldn't be so easily forgotten if I was part of a couple.




Its a weird time of life to suddenly look around and notice I am the last single person I know. No more nights out with the girls, on the prowl for the next hot guy in your life. They've all found theirs. And now I have no wing-woman. I also live in Bala a lovely town of 500 where I've either known every guy here since we were two, or already dated them, or have dated their best friends. One of my resolutions is to start dating again...somehow. I may be enticed to try the whole internet dating thing. I know it seems desperate, but I know two couples who hooked up that way. But then again, while the thought of a serious relationship seems comforting one minute, makes me feel absolutely claustrophobic the next.




Maybe that's why relationships are things you enter into gradually. Well most people do...are at least I do. I like my independence. I like it a lot. I hate having to ask people for help. Hate Hate Hate. It might be more that I'm afraid of asking and getting 'No' for an answer. But I suppose, in the past, that was me asking the wrong person.




This year in 2008, many of my resolutions are repeats of last year (The one step back). And some are more forward thinking, like taking this job and making it work for me, so I can get THE job that allows me an appartment, my car, some savings and a little fun money - a single girl always deserves her fun money!

Forever Young

I have found the secret to looking young forever!

Seeing as we are just entering the stage where you notice that you might, just might be getting older - but still far far away from old. I bet you want to know so you can rush out and get it right away.

Think Again.

Braces.

EE. That close up makes them look worse then they actually are.

There. That's not SO bad. But still, braces at 26.... Twenty-Six.

And its not like I didn't have them before, and I'm getting them now because I can finally afford it, and have always wanted them. Nope. I didn't wear my retainer long enough. 6 years apparently is NOT long enough....they actually mean forever.

Do they really expect you to wear them out of you teens. I already wear glasses, and if slipping into something more comfortable was glasses and a retainer...well lets just say I would likely remain single for a looong time.

Let all the children know the horror of getting braces re-cemented on you precious pearly-whites in your *gasp* late twenties.

Aside from the pain. And oh yes did they ever hurt, more this time then last I swear. No solid food for at least a week a month. Not to mention the fact that there's rough metal "bracelets" glued to the outside of your teeth, to say my lips/cheeks were irritated, would be a huge understatement. I didn't go anywhere without my trusty relief wax. (As if working in a science lab, being in 2 books clubs didn't qualify me as a geek already)

Until now, I've always liked looking younger then I am. But now the difference is a little too pronounced. I stay away from dating at the moment. I mean, I look like jail bait to the guys my age, and seriously, I didn't kiss boys the first time I had braces, so do I really want to see how that works out now?

Great White Winter

I thought I'd remind you what winter in Muskoka really means:

I set my alarm 1/2 and hour early so I can look outside and decide exactly when I have to get up in order to have enough time to clean my car off and get to work. (That's 5:30am, and today, I should have gotten up then....). But I didn't. It didn't look so bad out, just about 10cms of snow...and whats 10cms of snow to a True Muskoka Girl? I go about my morning routine and get out to my car just almost 10mins early.

Plenty of time to clean the car off and get to the first stop on the car pool chain.

Nope.

Under that 10cms of snow was a good 1/2cm of ice. Strong thick ICE. The drivers door wouldn't open, so I had to crawl in from the back. Oh I was graceful, with my purse, my lunch, my travelling tea, and my by rapidly cooling toast with peanut butter.

I got my car turned on with the heat and rear defrost blasting, grabbed my snow brush and got ready to buckle down. Try as I might, I could not scrap that ice. The plastic edge of the scaper would bump along the ice, moving nothing. I figure I'm a strong Muskoka girl, this won't stop me, and I put a little muscle into it.

Mistake.

I may be strong, but my ice scraper is not. It broke. Useless piece of crap.

I run back into the house to get my Mom's key's to use her scraper. This time I know better then to break out SuperGirl. Luckily its been almost 10 mins and the heat from the inside is starting to work. After after about 10 more minutes, I feel like victory is mine. I can see out the front and back! I run my Mom's keys back into the house. Head back to the car only to realize...I hadn't scraped the side windows. After a valiant attempt, I clear the front windows, but give the rears up as a lost cause.

This is when my Dad shows up, scraps the passenger rear, and declares my car road worthy, but please he says, go the long way down the road so you don't have to make the illegal left, over a snow bank.

Fair Enough. Or so I thought.

My road was not yet plowed. And that baby hill just past my house, proved to be too much for my poor little Civic.

I was stuck.

Back and forth I rocked trying to get up that god damn hill. Each time a little closer. But never enough. Finally a snow plow coming the other way clears a one way path.

With some slipping and sliding I make may my way to the cleared road.

Finally, I'm on the highway, which was in surprisingly good shape, and I'm only about 20-25mins behind.

I'm quite tired of the snow already. It could stop snowing now. I'd be happy. But it is still snowing now. And it will still be snowing tonight and tomorrow, and what seems like til the end of time.

So now the Big question is: How much longer til spring?

This is when my Dad shows up, scraps the passenger rear, and declares my car road worthy, but please he says, go the long way down the road so you don't have to make the illegal left, over a snow bank.

Fair Enough. Or so I thought.

My road was not yet plowed. And that baby hill just past my house, proved to be too much for my poor little Civic.

I was stuck.

Back and forth I rocked trying to get up that god damn hill. Each time a little closer. But never enough. Finally a snow plow coming the other way clears a one way path.

With some slipping and sliding I make may my way to the cleared road.

Finally, I'm on the highway, which was in surprisingly good shape, and I'm only about 20-25mins behind.

Only.

So. I'm quite tired of the snow already. It could stop snowing now. I'd be happy. But it is still snowing now. And it will still be snowing tonight and tomorrow, and what seems like til the end of time.

So now the Big question is: How much longer til spring?

Ajusting

mmmm. I thought i would have a lot to say once I found the the time to get back into my blogging routine. But now that I'm trying I realize that there is much to say, and I'm not sure of the words to say them with.



I've been absent mainly due to one person. My oldest friend made it back to Canada in the middle of August, and my time was willing monopolized by her while she was here, what little time I had that was not spent at either of my jobs or her was spent with her. We actually started joking that we were each other significant others (I'm not sure how that made her actual fiance feel...but as he was in Oz, he didn't get a say). People would ask me if she and I could come to dinner, and sometimes the answer was, ooooo , Monday...we're busy then, how about Tuesday?

Tomorrow she flies back to the other side of the world. Where she has a "flat", a fiance, a car, a job, and plans to have baby. Yep a baby. I'm not quite ready for her to have a baby. I need my friends to get married and then plan a baby. But she's having trouble planning a wedding, from the other side of the world, for people from Canada and Scotland. So since they are not planning a wedding they've decided to have a baby. Because otherwise they'd be just be living and working in Oz. (What do they think the rest of us are doing?) No matter where you are everyone is living and working. So I'm adjusting. My girl will likely be having a baby sometime in the next year, and doing it in Oz. Where I won't be able to see her belly grow, feel the baby move, see her glow, or the baby when he/she arrives. I'm adjusting. There's pictures and email, and blogs, and web cams, and the old fashioned telephone.

So I'm adjusting. I'm going to miss her, a lot. I already do.