Hindsight

They say that hindsight is 20/20. And I think that they are right. As I look back on the year 2007, there are somethings I am not proud of. Things I don't like to even admit to myself. However there are good things too. This was a year of 2 steps forward and 1 step back.




I finally found that job I've been questing after to 3 years, only to be bored and frustrated by it at the moment (or maybe a little less the job and more the people, yeah its the people). It's also frustrating that said dream job does not quite pay a wage that would let me live in my own place own my car and from time to time go out for fun. So I am living in my childhood bedroom, in the town I worked so hard to get out of. More frustrating is that while my 2 of my good friends did move back to Canada one is in Calgary, and the other is in Toronto (who I can luckily usually see at least once a month), but my friends here in town, have suddenly it seems become grown-ups. All are married or engaged, and all have small children or have recently announced pregnancies. And all seem to forget that I have moved back to town regardless of the fact that I have been here for 8 months now. They throw dinner parties. And I can't help but wonder if I wouldn't be so easily forgotten if I was part of a couple.




Its a weird time of life to suddenly look around and notice I am the last single person I know. No more nights out with the girls, on the prowl for the next hot guy in your life. They've all found theirs. And now I have no wing-woman. I also live in Bala a lovely town of 500 where I've either known every guy here since we were two, or already dated them, or have dated their best friends. One of my resolutions is to start dating again...somehow. I may be enticed to try the whole internet dating thing. I know it seems desperate, but I know two couples who hooked up that way. But then again, while the thought of a serious relationship seems comforting one minute, makes me feel absolutely claustrophobic the next.




Maybe that's why relationships are things you enter into gradually. Well most people do...are at least I do. I like my independence. I like it a lot. I hate having to ask people for help. Hate Hate Hate. It might be more that I'm afraid of asking and getting 'No' for an answer. But I suppose, in the past, that was me asking the wrong person.




This year in 2008, many of my resolutions are repeats of last year (The one step back). And some are more forward thinking, like taking this job and making it work for me, so I can get THE job that allows me an appartment, my car, some savings and a little fun money - a single girl always deserves her fun money!

Forever Young

I have found the secret to looking young forever!

Seeing as we are just entering the stage where you notice that you might, just might be getting older - but still far far away from old. I bet you want to know so you can rush out and get it right away.

Think Again.

Braces.

EE. That close up makes them look worse then they actually are.

There. That's not SO bad. But still, braces at 26.... Twenty-Six.

And its not like I didn't have them before, and I'm getting them now because I can finally afford it, and have always wanted them. Nope. I didn't wear my retainer long enough. 6 years apparently is NOT long enough....they actually mean forever.

Do they really expect you to wear them out of you teens. I already wear glasses, and if slipping into something more comfortable was glasses and a retainer...well lets just say I would likely remain single for a looong time.

Let all the children know the horror of getting braces re-cemented on you precious pearly-whites in your *gasp* late twenties.

Aside from the pain. And oh yes did they ever hurt, more this time then last I swear. No solid food for at least a week a month. Not to mention the fact that there's rough metal "bracelets" glued to the outside of your teeth, to say my lips/cheeks were irritated, would be a huge understatement. I didn't go anywhere without my trusty relief wax. (As if working in a science lab, being in 2 books clubs didn't qualify me as a geek already)

Until now, I've always liked looking younger then I am. But now the difference is a little too pronounced. I stay away from dating at the moment. I mean, I look like jail bait to the guys my age, and seriously, I didn't kiss boys the first time I had braces, so do I really want to see how that works out now?

Great White Winter

I thought I'd remind you what winter in Muskoka really means:

I set my alarm 1/2 and hour early so I can look outside and decide exactly when I have to get up in order to have enough time to clean my car off and get to work. (That's 5:30am, and today, I should have gotten up then....). But I didn't. It didn't look so bad out, just about 10cms of snow...and whats 10cms of snow to a True Muskoka Girl? I go about my morning routine and get out to my car just almost 10mins early.

Plenty of time to clean the car off and get to the first stop on the car pool chain.

Nope.

Under that 10cms of snow was a good 1/2cm of ice. Strong thick ICE. The drivers door wouldn't open, so I had to crawl in from the back. Oh I was graceful, with my purse, my lunch, my travelling tea, and my by rapidly cooling toast with peanut butter.

I got my car turned on with the heat and rear defrost blasting, grabbed my snow brush and got ready to buckle down. Try as I might, I could not scrap that ice. The plastic edge of the scaper would bump along the ice, moving nothing. I figure I'm a strong Muskoka girl, this won't stop me, and I put a little muscle into it.

Mistake.

I may be strong, but my ice scraper is not. It broke. Useless piece of crap.

I run back into the house to get my Mom's key's to use her scraper. This time I know better then to break out SuperGirl. Luckily its been almost 10 mins and the heat from the inside is starting to work. After after about 10 more minutes, I feel like victory is mine. I can see out the front and back! I run my Mom's keys back into the house. Head back to the car only to realize...I hadn't scraped the side windows. After a valiant attempt, I clear the front windows, but give the rears up as a lost cause.

This is when my Dad shows up, scraps the passenger rear, and declares my car road worthy, but please he says, go the long way down the road so you don't have to make the illegal left, over a snow bank.

Fair Enough. Or so I thought.

My road was not yet plowed. And that baby hill just past my house, proved to be too much for my poor little Civic.

I was stuck.

Back and forth I rocked trying to get up that god damn hill. Each time a little closer. But never enough. Finally a snow plow coming the other way clears a one way path.

With some slipping and sliding I make may my way to the cleared road.

Finally, I'm on the highway, which was in surprisingly good shape, and I'm only about 20-25mins behind.

I'm quite tired of the snow already. It could stop snowing now. I'd be happy. But it is still snowing now. And it will still be snowing tonight and tomorrow, and what seems like til the end of time.

So now the Big question is: How much longer til spring?

This is when my Dad shows up, scraps the passenger rear, and declares my car road worthy, but please he says, go the long way down the road so you don't have to make the illegal left, over a snow bank.

Fair Enough. Or so I thought.

My road was not yet plowed. And that baby hill just past my house, proved to be too much for my poor little Civic.

I was stuck.

Back and forth I rocked trying to get up that god damn hill. Each time a little closer. But never enough. Finally a snow plow coming the other way clears a one way path.

With some slipping and sliding I make may my way to the cleared road.

Finally, I'm on the highway, which was in surprisingly good shape, and I'm only about 20-25mins behind.

Only.

So. I'm quite tired of the snow already. It could stop snowing now. I'd be happy. But it is still snowing now. And it will still be snowing tonight and tomorrow, and what seems like til the end of time.

So now the Big question is: How much longer til spring?

Ajusting

mmmm. I thought i would have a lot to say once I found the the time to get back into my blogging routine. But now that I'm trying I realize that there is much to say, and I'm not sure of the words to say them with.



I've been absent mainly due to one person. My oldest friend made it back to Canada in the middle of August, and my time was willing monopolized by her while she was here, what little time I had that was not spent at either of my jobs or her was spent with her. We actually started joking that we were each other significant others (I'm not sure how that made her actual fiance feel...but as he was in Oz, he didn't get a say). People would ask me if she and I could come to dinner, and sometimes the answer was, ooooo , Monday...we're busy then, how about Tuesday?

Tomorrow she flies back to the other side of the world. Where she has a "flat", a fiance, a car, a job, and plans to have baby. Yep a baby. I'm not quite ready for her to have a baby. I need my friends to get married and then plan a baby. But she's having trouble planning a wedding, from the other side of the world, for people from Canada and Scotland. So since they are not planning a wedding they've decided to have a baby. Because otherwise they'd be just be living and working in Oz. (What do they think the rest of us are doing?) No matter where you are everyone is living and working. So I'm adjusting. My girl will likely be having a baby sometime in the next year, and doing it in Oz. Where I won't be able to see her belly grow, feel the baby move, see her glow, or the baby when he/she arrives. I'm adjusting. There's pictures and email, and blogs, and web cams, and the old fashioned telephone.

So I'm adjusting. I'm going to miss her, a lot. I already do.

... in 27 Days.

Another birthday. Another year older. Makes you wonder and reflect on things of the past. there are so many things that I wish I didn't do, and so many things I wish I did. But I don't know if changing what I did in the past would change what is now. I don't know that I would want to change what is now.

At times I am happier then I've ever been. At times I still can still feel so lonely. I think that's true probably of everyone. We cycle.

At least I know I still look good. Not one of those over the hill 26 year olds.

And how do I know that?

Well.

The other night I was watching a sunset alone by the falls. When this young kid asks why I am all alone. When I tell him I'm watching the sunset he asks if he may join me. I say yes, because it would be rude not too, and he sits. He then asks me how old I am, to which I respond 25 (as this was just before my birthday). A kind of stricken look crosses his face. Then he tells me that he will be 17 in 27 days.

17 in 27 days...

Nice too know I still look young enough for 16 year olds to hit on...just wait until I get braces sometime in September. All the high school boys will be after me ;)

Unbelievably Busy

I very quickly went from working almost 30 hours a week to 50+ hours a week. And when you add in, almost 15 hours a week in commuting...it doesn't leave a lot of extra time for fun, or anything else, such as laundry or washing out the inside of my car (FYI, when temperatures soar into the 30's random cans of pop can explode when left in the back seat).

I kind of miss my more active social life. I have a lot of nights in now, or at least very early nights. I find getting up at 6 am every day makes me incredibly tired by 10pm (if not earlier). But I'm also kind of looking forward to settling into fall with a more constant routine. How boring does that sound?

I'm also kind of dreading the fall because of the utter lack of social life they will leave me. Most everyone I know will be heading back to the city and staying there. Leaving me here living with my Mom and Dad. And just a few other friends my age...all of whom are married, and most have children. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But the thing with my married friends is that they really like to know what goes on in a single girls life...and when nothing is going on, they like to take it upon themselves to set me up with any single men they know. So seeing as nothing is going on these days (as the only people I seem to hang out with are married, I haven't been meeting over many single men on my own). So sometime soon I am being introduced to some guy.

Obviously things with Crush #1 and #2 aren't progressing. I have a bad feeling that #1 is staying with the gf. And I couldn't believe how sad that made me...my first crush in 2 years. However things have been getting more flirty with #2. Every time we work together the tension is there. But he will be leaving to go back to school in a few weeks. And that will be then end of that.

Oh Muskoka in the fall. At the very least it will be an experience. One I haven't had in 8 years.

Very Exciting News

I get home from work on Monday night and I find this message:

What could it be I wonder?

Obviously not a marriage (note the bracketed addition). And for the last single girl this is good news. My ever helpful friend that finds the message with me, suggests perhaps someone is announcing a pregnancy.

Yes I think that is what it must be. A new baby.

But nope.

It was something better.

It was a job. Yes that's right.

I got a call about a job, and in the last 3 days have gone in for an interview and have accepted a position.

I am a Field Research Assistant, working for a Graduate Student from York University, on an invasive macro-invertebrate predator. Mostly we are working on it's ability to travel between lakes and spread.

Its call the spiny water flea and it is a nasty little creature that is the biggest threat to aquatic diversity since the Acid Rain issue.

I start Monday at 8am (ouch early, and a little over an hour away, at the Dorset Environmental Science Centre) until 4. Unfortunately it doesn't pay much, so I will continue working my serving job. I have already spoken to my boss, and she's very happy for me and is going to arrange my schedule so I can do both!

I have the contract to December.

My foot is in the door, and I am very excited to finally be doing something with my degree. I feel I can finally sit back a little and relax.

The worlds biggest smile is on my face!

The Other Crush.

As if my life isn't difficult enough by having a crush on a guy with a girlfriend. And I mean real butterflies crush. That I thought it would be best to if I add another crush to my life in the form of a guy I work with. (And by work with I mean he's one of pretty much only 3 servers at my work).


Oh dear.


Add the fact that today is his birthday and he's turning the ripe old age of 21, well you see what I mean.


How did this happen?


I had this kind of pseudo crush on him for awhile. Nothing major just this cute guy I work with. And then Monday night happened.


On Mondays there's this thing called resort night, at the Kee where loads of young people drink too much and dance. So we were dancing, and then we were dancing alone, and then we kissed, and then we were making out.


That's right making out, on the dance floor for everyone to see.


Only I don't know if anyone did see...that is the question. How secret was this little rendezvous? I suppose only time will tell.

The Crush.

See we would make beautiful blue eyed babies...*sigh*

New Beginings...opps maybe not.

Lucky for us the Tragically Hip played a second concert at the Kee the very next night. I did not have tickets to this show but had to work. At first this was going to be great, we have an outside patio that kind of overlooks the Kee's patio, and therefore the music from the Kee is clearly overheard. The plan was to have a patio party. People who didn't have tickets could come, eat drink and be merry while listening to the Hip. I thought this was a great idea as I could also listen to the Hip...however this didn't happen. Instead I got off a little early and heard the last half of the concert from my backyard.

The fun however really started when I boarded the bus going back to my friends cottage to party with those who had been to the concert that night. Needless to say for the most part, everyone was sideways drunk...and I mean sideways.

The party was basically a bonfire. What I remember of this bonfire was that is was extremely hot, but that if you stepped away from it you needed extra clothing.

All night, for reasons known only to her, AC kept talking me up to her husbands younger cousin, who I have know for about 7 years but until that night never really saw. He was always just that much younger then the group I was with. However it turns out he's only 2 years younger then me (which by this time is really the same age right?). And is graduating with his MBA this month from a Uni in the US. mmm.

Through into the mix that he's incredibly good looking, and I was, and still am hooked.

I did something that night that was highly uncharacteristic of myself, but I have no regrets. As the night was ending I pulled him down a little pathway in the woods were we did a little kissing.

It was great.

Its been so long since I've really wanted to kiss someone.

But here's the catch. He apparently has a gf. *ouch* although I believe she lives in the US, and therefore seeing as he's moving back here, that relationship may coming to an end. And my good friend AC has assured me that at best she's a 'meh' gf. For whatever that means.

So now I have a raging crush. Something I haven't felt in about 2 years when C and I were first hooking up, and I can't really do anything about it, as it makes me feel guilty.

I will just have to play it by ear. If it's meant to be it will be.

Oh Dear...

Things may have been getting out of control this past week. And by may, read absolutely.

First things first last weekend was the Canada Day long weekend, which aside from a few extra hours at work was a pretty typical weekend. However, this was the weekend that never ended. My two days off this week fell on Tuesday/Wednesday, and The Tragically Hip played at the Kee in my tiny town of Bala, on Wednesday/Thursday nights. Add that to the fact that summer in Muskoka officially starts the week after the long weekend, and you have plenty of tourists, cottagers and locals all drinking to celebrate history in the making!

Due to the fact that the Kee only holds about 1000 people ticket sales were crazy both shows were sold out in about 10 minutes, only 4 days after the shows were announced, and you could only purchase 4 tickets maximum, tickets were a hot commodity. And I had 4 to the Wednesday night show. At the time of purchase I had 2 confirmed friends (SK and RR) plus myself so I went ahead and bought 4, not worrying about selling the extra.

As the concert got closer my 4th ticket was spoken for by AC another good friend of mine, and so we had a girls night all arranged. I was a little nervous, as all 3 of these lovely ladies are really good friends of mine, yet had never met each other, as I had met them all in different places. Turns out I had nothing to worry about AC and RR hit it off with each other and with the other people who turned up at my place for the pre-party. The only sore spot is the SK, never turned up. No phone call, no email.

I still haven't heard from her. And I'm rotating through feelings of anger to worry and back again. She has been unreliable for a long time, but has always at least cancelled, and never just not show up.

Back to the drama of the evening.

We finally get into the concert and it was amazing...or at least I know I had a great time, and they played Wheat Kings, a song I've been waiting 3 concerts to hear, as for what else they played....I have no idea, a little too much vodka, followed by too much beer.

I lost RR about 15mins into the show only to find her at the very end of the concert.

I ran into J, who had spent the first half of the evening telling my friends that he knew it was over between us, only beg RR to try to change my mind at the end of the night, and since I've had repeated text messages, telling my I'm beautiful, and we should have a pic-nic. When I first heard what he had said I was pumped that this relationship could possibly just fade away, and no break-up scene would be necessary. But now I'm thinking I'm going to have to suck it up, be an adult and actually break-up with my non-boyfriend.

I can't really say why I want out but I do. The whole thing just ran its course. Its been 4 months and I feel I never really got to know him, and that he never really got to know me. The butterflies were gone a long time ago. And the real kicker was that sometimes I felt more lonely with him than I do when I'm alone.

At the end of the concert, RR and I got some hot dogs, took them up to my place and settled into a very long and very deep conversation. She's been away for almost two years now and hadn't heard the whole break-up story between C and I. And seeing as she was the only friend of mine who knew him (she introduced us) it was sad but good to finally discuss those feelings that I had set aside for a year and tried to forget. It was such a great conversation we stayed together in the sun porch instead of sleeping in separate rooms. I love those conversations.

RR and AC

Me and one those Coors Lights that just kept appearing in my hands.

My Brother and his buddies rocking out! (RH is in the grey T.)

This was fairly discombobulated, and disorganized, and the real out of control events were still to come the next night...I've been on detox, since then I promise...

This Year's Girl

I can hardly fathom that it has been a month since I've posted. I have no real excuse other then the weather has hot and sunny and the dock calls my name every time I have some time to kill, and even then seeing as I own a laptop and have wireless internet, I could bring my computer down to the dock with me and be productive whist I tan. However I apparently don't want to! I just want to lay there and read or at most think about life and the mistakes I've made and what I can to learn from those. And how I can move forward again and stop this backward tailspin I've been in. I haven't yet discovered any easy answers. That because there are no easy answers there never has been easy answers and the older I get the less easy answers there seem to be.

I give into temptation a lot. A lot, a lot. And after I don't even feel all that guilty. Maybe I should. It used to be easy knowing what was right from what was wrong, but now the lines are blurry. Less black and white and way more grey. Although there are some things that I know are defiantly in the black category...

I am doing a very positive work related event tomorrow. My long time neighbour Mrs. A is taking me with her to the Muskoka Watershed Council meeting. I'll get to meet and greet with a lot of important people in Muskoka where the environment is concerned, and maybe just maybe a job or even a summer volunteer position may come out it. And that would be HUGE step forward. I may still live at home, and I may still have to serve to pay for my new car.

But at least I'll feel like I'm being productive.

I'm also taking a big step with J this weekend. We're going camping. I know that doesn't sound huge. But my good friend SK and her fiance just broke up (its okay, 3 of the 5 bridesmaids hated him...and I didn't know the other 2 well enough to ask their real feelings). And she and her new bf (yes its very quick, but that's my girl SK!) And it was just going to be me, SK, her new beau, and SK's little bro MK, who has had a hopeless crush on me for years. So I thought it time to bring J out into the world with me.

Gives me butterflies.

Again with the stupidness...

I suppose the only real excuse I have is I am lonely. And when I say lonely its a full on deeply felt sense that I am alone. A lot if it is proximity. Most/all of my best girls live not all that close to me (Oz, Calgary, Terrace, Peterborough, and Toronto (soon!!)) So my nights of feeling like I belong are pretty damn limited. Being home is kind of helping, I do feel I belong with my family, but there is a huge adjustment period as I am so used to being alone, its hard to just become on of 5 people in the house.



Then of course there is J. And I'm starting to feel incredibly guilty about it. I'm just not falling. It's not happening. I can't tell you why. B/c as always life would be so much easier if you could instruct your heart to love (or not to love as the case may be) certain people. Alas its just not working. I can not say for sure whether or not I think J is falling for me. I don't want to ask any of those kinds of questions for fear of answering them myself. I do like the attention. I like someone calling to see what I'm up to. To invite me over, for dinner, movies, or just to be together. But I'm not connecting. So is it fair to keep going just to stave off the loneliness for an evening?

And then there's always S. I used to think woman like me were stupid and weak, waiting for something that may never be there. Maybe wasn't really there ever, maybe I'm remembering it wrong. And maybe its b/c I'm lonely, and we can have conversations about real things, the things I've been craving conversations about. So I'm not waiting I'm dating. And yet when I see them together, or hear him talk about her or anyone talk about them my stomach get tied in knots. For one year it worked, I met and fell for C. It was hard letting him in but I did and I was able to finally picture a different future for myself. But the same things aren't happening with J. I think that maybe I need to be selfish right now. Keep things light so that should this magic dream job ever come, I'll be able to move to some new place guilt free. I don't want to break hearts anymore then have my broken. But when to draw the line?

I feel like I'm going in circles. Always in circles...that's is if not backwards. The whole living at home, working for my old boss.

. . . These Are The Day's Of My Life.

The decision has been made. I'm moving home. *sigh*

Sometimes this makes me feel like a big huge failure. 25 years old moving back in with my parents and little bother and sister. I haven't lived there since I was 18. I have to keep taking deep breaths in order to stave off the waves of panic.

What sealed my fate...two things really. The first being nothing came of my Windsor interview. The second being that as I walked around handing out resumes for a serving job I had to hold back tears. Literally.

I decided its time to regroup and refocus. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. I mean other people seem to be able to get jobs. I've applied to almost 40 jobs in the last 2 months, and I've gotten two interviews...and you know I really thought I might have gotten that last one, because I did not want to move to Windsor. What kind of stupid logic is that? I finally get the job I've been looking for for 3 years and but only if its in a place I didn't really want to move to.

One more bonus about the move home is that my next door neighbour is a Councillor for the District of Muskoka and is looking into jobs/volunteer opportunities for me n the area. I am a little late for the job stuff...most summer positions hire in March, but you never know...I'm going to try to be cautiously optimistic.

I'm also going to be cautiously optimistic with Mr. Muskoka. Who will for now on be known by name. Jason. Or more commonly Jay...so the short from of J, is just so handy! There are still things I worry about, and there wasn't/still isn't any Zsa Zsa Zu. But there's something. I'm not sure what, maybe it won't be enough, maybe I'll run away like I've done before, or maybe I'll give it my all, and still get my heart broken like I've done before. But I won't know if I don't try. I've survived the heart break, and I know I won't survive the loneliness that comes with not trying.

And so I pack my car and look to future.

Easiest $2 I ever made...

Yesterday was sunny and warm and having looked at the weather forecast I knew it wasn't going to last. So I grabbed my book and headed to park down the street where I lay in the grass and enjoyed the smells, sights and sounds of the approaching summer.

Suddenly a young boy plopped his backpack and self down next to me, and began asking me a number of questions, along the lines of what are you reading, isn't it boring, like the weather?

Then just as suddenly he jumps up and leaves.

As he's running away I hear him call to his buddies it was the easiest $2 he ever made!

I am now apparently the lady little boys bet their friends to go up and talk to. How crazy is that!

Like Sands Through the Hour Glass...

I often like to think of my life as a soap, and lately it really has been. It has everything necessary to make for a good soap....well maybe not a real soap, I'm not planning any murders nor am I pregnant with a baby with a less then certain paternity.

I have however amped up the boy drama, purchased a new car, only to loose my job 4 days later, and now must make the touch decision of whether to move home and get a new serving job, or stay in the city and get a new serving job. Or maybe just maybe, I'll get the job I just interviewed for yesterday and the decision will be made for me. Option number 3 is obviously my first choice... but I just can't figure out whether one or two would be better. Seeing as the idea of starting a new serving job makes my skin crawl...but I gots bills. Got to pay for my shiny new car!

Speaking of which. I am now the proud owner of a Brand-new-to-me 2000 Honda Civic Ex. But the important part is that it's Green and shiny and it doesn't leak gas, or oil and it tells me how fast I'm going...what a novel idea! It also came with nifty little device that allows me to lock and unlock the doors with the push of a button!

As for the boy drama. I'm down to one boy. Mr. Fashion has been given the boot, or well I think he just kind of got the hint. So it's just me and Mr. Muskoka now. And I have to say I'm starting to freak out.

I definitely do not want to be tied down, and well boyfriends do that. The job interview I went on was in Windsor, which is about 3 hours from where I live here, and consequently about 6 from Muskoka. He wasn't all to happy to hear that I may be moving that far away.

I have now complicated things by sleeping with him. I feel like such a guy. I want something kind of light and casual, but not promiscuous. I have enough on my mind worrying just about me, let alone adding someone else to the mix. But now I have. I'm worried he may be falling for me. At this moment I'm not falling for him...but it doesn't mean I won't but that possibility exists. Or maybe I'm totally overreacting. Believe me it wouldn't be the first time.

Ranting and Raving

Went grocery shopping today. I hate grocery shopping. It seems and odd thing to hate doesn't it. Not one of those more often hated household chores like laundry, or dishes or cleaning the bathroom (none of which by the way to I really like either).

I used to like grocery shopping. I'd always by myself some kind of little treat, cookies, or fancy cheese. And lets face it. I love to eat therefore the place where I buy the food that allows me to eat delicious meals well c'mon, should be a fun place to go. Not anymore.

I think this is due to my status as a single woman living alone (the living alone thing more so then the single thing). Add this to the fact that my refrigeration unit is about 1.5' x 3'. and the teeny tiny freezer inside this "fridge" is literally about 4" x 8", well I can't freeze much more then 4 chicken breasts at a time.

So storage is clearly a problem...

But then one would think that I could just buy less, and therefore storage would not be such a problem.

Yes, one would think.

Clearly the grocery store folks are thinking of families more so then single women. You can't buy small portions of much. I can't eat carrots, celery or lettuce fast enough. I end up throwing out at least half. And today I got so angry in the dairy isle trying to buy eggs. A dozen eggs is a lot of eggs, for just one girl, so I try to buy them by the half dozen or 8. However today I bought the dozen because for God knows why the half dozen eggs were only $0.30 cheaper then the dozen.

How does that make any sense at all?

Oh and! Since I'm going home for the weekend I only bought the essentials, as in, milk, bread, margarine, eggs, and tomatoes and I got 4 plastic bags. That's right 4 bags for 5 items. Usually I bring my own bags, being environmentally inclined. Bah!

So now I have a dozen eggs...I guess I'll have to have someone over for breakfast, now where will I ever find a breakfast partner?

On a happier note. I also went to Zellers and got lots of 1/2 price Easter chocolate....so much that now my tummy hurts a little, so maybe not that much of a happier note. Gonna get some tea...tea always helps.

The P Word

I got the P word again last night.

What P word you ask?

Perfect.

As in You're "Perfect."

One might think that a girl would like to hear that. But one would be wrong. I've heard this before and let me tell you "Perfect" is hard to live up and definitely not me. Especially not when I'm not entirely sure that I want a relationship, or as my one male friend stated, stringing along two guys. (Which by the way I take a little exception to, I'm not stringing anyone along...no one has said anything about exclusivity!)

But as of last night Mr. Muskoka called me "perfect".

Uh Oh, is this the line that isn't supposed to be crossed when dating more then one person?Granted, Mr. Muskoka is pulling into the lead. I haven't seen Mr. Fashion in 2 weeks, although we did talk this week, and plan to hook up next week sometime.

Ahh the trials and tribulations of real life dating.

What am I talking about....this is fun! Except for the "perfect" part...something is going to have to be done about that.

One more thing!

How could I have possibly forgotten!

One more slip. I was at the dentist last week where we discussed how to straighten my front tooth that has turned as I haven't been wearing my retainer. Apparently yes you do need to wear them FOREVER in order to ensure the results of the braces I wore at 12.

So my Mom thought that this new type of retainer would be move my teeth around. But no, apparently not. The Dr. believes the only way to straighten it out, will be with a second round of braces....that's right Braces again, at 25!

Oh My God!

As it is no one believes that I'm 25, apparently I look more like 20 to 21. Which really I'm Okay with, however, with braces....average age of 18? That's really going to put a damper on the love life.

And speaking of Love Life, back when I was 12 I didn't have to worry about kissing or lets say other delicate parts that may come in contact with my mouth full of metal.

hmmm.

At least Mr. Muskoka said he'd still kiss me even if I had braces. *sigh*

and the upswing hits a wall...

My last few weeks have been amazing. Dating two boys, getting job interview, and I bought a car! That's right! I am the proud owner of a Brand-New-To-Me 2000 Honda Civic EX. Its a beautiful Emerald Green colour. And I get to take her home Saturday! I'll shed a tear for the Neon, but well there was a reason that I needed to buy a new car. And I know me and the Civic are going to have many more good times.

I was also able to finance the whole thing all on my own. My loving parents were going to co-sign if I'd needed, but me and $7 and hour job pulled through, I am so grown up!

And then the wall.

Today I get a call from S. And oh I don't need to go to work tomorrow afternoon, because the restaurant has gone into receivership and the doors have been locked.

That's right I buy a new car on Friday and then on Tuesday I loose my job.

You know when you want a hug and to snuggle up so you can feel better. Well that's the downside of just dating two guys at the same time....I don't yet have the please-come-over-right-away-and-make-me-feel-better-with-a-glass-of-wine-and-a-head-rub privileges of a real full-time girlfriend.

So instead I kicked some ass on the soccer pitch.

This maybe temporary. The restaurant may be bought tomorrow, or Thursday, or next week. And in that case, all will be well. However, if it takes longer, the bills will be starting to gather. I'm not saying I'm destitute..I've always been a saver. But seriously, the last thing I want to be doing is looking for a new serving job....bah!

So as always the tough questions, find a new job and stay in the city? Go home for the summer, and work up there? Will there be a home up there, (house is listed, and had first walk through last week)?

Ultimately the best option would be to get a real job! So world! Real my resume, have me in for an interview and then HIRE ME!!!

Green Thai Curry Chicken

Green Thai Curry Chicken. The dinner Mr. Muskoka promised to make me my next trip home.

He did and it was delicious! I drove out his place where there was wine, and all the ingredients lined up waiting for me to arrive. I drank he cooked, I did help with some chopping, oh and I take full credit for the rice! (I am such the talented chef!!)

We had some of the cheesey moments that occur, you know a certain song comes on, and he spun me around the Kitchen. I have to say I loved it.

Then there was the small town oddities that always arise. Seeing as I haven't lived full time in a small town for awhile I totally forget how things are.

After the sledding trip I saw Mr. Muskoka's Mom before I left, who then saw my Mom at the Dentist office, and mentioned that her son had taken me out. So much for trying to keep a low profile. Also his cousin lived with my ex BF when we first started dating. Which his other cousin promptly told him.

I don't think it was too awkward for him. I don't know if he ever met C. It is possible. I know he'd been up to Muskoka...hmmm.

Anyway the rest of the evening was wonderful. We ate and talked. And then we moved over to the couch.

Thats when the fun really began. I left around 2am. But wow did I want to stay over. But I've never been that girl and will likely never be, also it is difficult as my parents kind of expect me to be home.

So this weekend I'll be seeing him again. Going fishing. Apparently he knows a place where we can catch some lunkers...I'll believe it when I see it, because thus far in my life, I've only caught Rock Bass about as big as my hand.

As for Mr. Fashion we haven't spoken in a week. Maybe that ran its course...I'm not sure. But I know Muskoka is pulling ahead.

Hard to Hear

I called Terrapex yesterday to see how the hiring process was coming along. And found out that they had hired someone else.

Grr that sucks.

I still haven't heard from the Peterborough job. I'm thinking its not looking that good either. I will call them again (for the 3rd time) later this week to see whats up. That interview was so long ago, but they told me they would get back to me either way, and when I have contacted them they've always said no decisions have been made and that we haven't forgotten about you. Thanks for your persistent interest in our company.

So when does persistent become annoying? That's a line I definitely do not want to cross.

Adulthood.

Why were we in such a rush to grow up when we were young and our biggest worry was that Mom would make us eat our vegetables and brush our teeth?

I promise I'll eat my veggies and brush my teeth if I can stop worrying about rent, cars, boyfriends, bills, and jobs.

Easy to Catch Hard to Keep

Hmmmm.

Dating two boys at the same time can be a little stressful.

Trying to see both of them equally. Which is incredibly hard when one of them lives two hours away.

Things with Fashion have been moving along, and yet not moving along. I spent most of last night hanging out at his place. We watched a movie and snuggled on the couch, but we have yet to really kiss each other.

Seriously though the goatee its a little bit scratchy. How do you deal with that with someone you don't know all that well, and it does look kind of cute. Its a tough spot.

Sunday was also the infamous 3rd date. Now I don't know that it works in reality that the 3rd date is the traditional night that you sleep together. I was however invited to stay the night.

I declined.

Here's where I get all girly and worried about feelings and maybe I'm not as into him as he is to me. He called yesterday morning just to say hey and that he had a good time the other night. He called this morning to say he was able to rent the movie we had originally planned to watch on Sunday but it was out.

I didn't answer.

So maybe I'm not acting girly, but guy-y.

I will call him back later today. He wanted to get together after my soccer game...but then there's me thinking, I've already seen you 3 times this week. Back off give me a little time to adjust.

Sometimes I wonder whats wrong with me? I spend a lot of nights alone in bed wishing for that connection. And here's a guy, a nice cute guy and me making excuses not to see him.

Maybe I don't want things to go to far with Fashion while I'm waiting to see what could happen with Muskoka?

Mr. Muskoka and I have a date this Friday night. Maybe this will help to settle my mind.

Playing the Field

Ahh my weekend off.

Seeing as my work mostly sucks, especially with the drama that is constantly going on. I needed a weekend off to relax and be with real friends who I can be myself with. Not people that I have to hid part of myself from. So I begged and pulled some strings and got Saturday night and Sunday off. (Don't you love the fact that a weekend off for me is Saturday night and Sunday?)

Originally I was going to go to Peterborough, and celebrate St. Pats and a girlfriends 25th birthday. But plans changed, and I headed North to Muskoka. Where my weekend took an unexpected but very fun twist.

The evening started out with the Leafs game and a few beers at a friends place and eventually to the Pub. It was a great night full of my Muskoka friends a lots of beers. To top it off its Muskoka in the winter and therefore there was a total of 5 girls in the bar with ohh lets say 20 guys...and me being the only single lady...well here's the story.

Around Christmas I was at this same pub with some friends of mine when I had an unexpected connection with a guy there that nothing really came of as I headed back to the city and haven't seen him since then, until last Saturday night.

Many beers were drank friends were caught up with. Then before I knew it, it was almost 3am and we were being kicked out of the bar, they actually turned the lights out on us. And that's when things got interesting. Me, and Mr. Muskoka were pashing in the dark in a pub I used to manage!

The next day he gave me a call and out we went on his sled. He meant to take me to these ice caves on Rosseau, but being how late in the year it was the ice caves were kind of melted.We hit all the big lakes, Joe, Rosseau, Muskoka, up to Bass Lake for a drink.

Then we stopped on a sunny point got off then sled and kissed a little more. Nothing like doing a little kissing lying on a snow bank bundled up in all your snow gear!

So now...I'm apparently dating two guys? How did this happen? Again I'm just going to go with it. Mr. Muskoka clearly lives in Muskoka, and is the kind of guy who can build anything, and is currently building a home for himself. He can cook and wants to cook me dinner next time I'm up North. I've known him my whole life, but never really knew him.

Mr. Fashion on the other hand is a total city boy. And can show me things I've never seen.

I'll just see where it all goes. Who knows. The decision may not necessarily be as hard as I think. We shall see and for now. I'm playing the field!

Out of the Blue

Wednesday began as every Wednesday does. And then all of a sudden it was different. Clearly a guy is involved.

A guy came in as he does from time to time, and we got to talking as I do. When out of the blue he asks me to go with him to a fashion show the next night. I was intrigued and free so I agreed.

The next day he calls to firm up plans, and I was thinking I'd take the bus downtown and meet him somewhere as I knew he was going to be there all afternoon, but no he was coming to pick me up (plus 1). I had a great time getting ready as I get to dress up, 4" heels, sleeveless top, fancy make-up, french manicure, new purse new jacket...(not especially for this occasion but in general).

I get in his car and we go downtown to a club. And when I say club this is not a club like I've been to before. Its fancy. There's drapes up on the door, obviously a cat walk, that kind of music I can only describe as club music, no words, but not house either, more mellow then that. Some of the people are dressed crazy, other just look amazing.

True to fashion show form, the 10pm start was just after 11pm, (I say that like I know). So we lounged on a couch, and chatted about this and that. It was good. I was catching that vibe that was missing when I was out with Mr. Valentine. Lots of touching, on the knee, shoulder, hand. Lots of laughing.

But some of the things he was saying was making me very curious. He went to the University Guelph, and seeing as I lived in Guelph for a year we talked about places there ...some of the places I knew, weren't there when he was, and ones he knew were gone by the time I was. He owns a house in Burlington. Had lived downtown for 6 years but felt it was time for a change...mmm I said to myself...how old is he?

33.


How old is too old?

Is 33 too old for me? Being 25. That's 8 years, are we really at the same page in our lives? What if he's really looking to settle down? Is that something I want now? What will my parents think? his parents? How would our friends get along? What could we really have in common, me just starting out, him settling in?

Then I said. STOP. Its just one date. We're having fun, I don't need to plan my life right now. We'll go out until on of us decides to move on. Too much thinking makes me crazy! I can cross any and all of those bridges when I come to them.

After the fashion show (which was men's clothes with a few token girls in bikini's thrown in for good measure). He drove me home. As it was after midnight and he lives almost an hour from downtown not to mention the detour to Brampton to drop me off.

So he dropped me off, but didn't walk me to the door (minus 1) but did kiss me good night (plus 1). Oh yes I kissed a boy...well man. Ohmigod I kissed my first man! He has a goatee, which I'm not too sure I like the feel of kissing, but not sure I don't either (no points scored). We're going out again next Thursday,(plus 1) a more conventional date (dinner) and he said he'd call be in between just to chat (plus 1).

All around, I have the warm fuzzies.

And I shall name him Mr. Fashion.

Birthday Wishes

Happy Birthday to Tamara!

I love you!

Waiting Game

My interview at Terrapex went well I think. It is hard to tell sometimes though.

I should hear in about 2 weeks.

Keep your fingers, toes, eyes, knees and ankles crossed for me!

Goodbye and Hello

Mr. Torn Groin showed up Wednesday night with his girlfriend.

She was there once before, but didn't stay. So I was hoping she was less of a girlfriend and more of a date...and then she was back. So I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe he's not really available. Damn.

Takes some of the fun out of my Wednesday nights...

However I've added a new crush to my list. Let me introduce Mr. Museum.

He is the Director of Education at the ROM. And he's Hot!

Seriously though he's probably too old for me, but maybe not, how old is too old? He could very possibly be married. I haven't been able to scope out the ring finger yet. Do you realize that every guy I meet now could very possibly be married? I have discovered this to my dismay. From time to time I've met a cute guy and then BAM right there in my face, wedding ring.

I guess now that I'm old I've got to be looking for this kind of thing...wedding rings and girlfriends.

What happened to the days when all the boys were single and hot?

Terrapex

Terrapex.

This is an environmental consulting firm that wants to interview me tomorrow morning for one of two positions, right here in Toronto!

Wish me luck.

A Day With My City

Ahh...Toronto.

I have been living here for over a year now. While I'm not exactly downtown, I'm less then half and hour away. Unfortunately I don't often take advantage of this fact, But on Friday I did.

For the first time in months I had Friday evening off, and as my original attempts to get out with friends for the night failed, I entertained myself with the help of my ever surprising Capital.

I started out as a bitter city gal, as I had to kick my way out of my apartment, due to the freezing rain/snow storm we'd had the night before that my landlord had yet to shovel (he still has yet to shovel), got a soaker while attacking the 1cm thick layer of ice on my car and then missed my bus downtown by mere seconds...

Seeing as I then had a half hour to kill I went to Tim's and got a tea, a begal, took a breath and decided to start the day over, and miraculously it became one of those days that make you smile.

Due to the freezing rain/snow storm of Thursday, it was especially quite at the Royal Ontario Museum as the school groups had canceled their trips. I was released from my volunteering duties to go and try out our new Audio Tour devices and tour the rest of the museum. There is something incredibly tranquil about wandering an almost empty museum seeing things I've seen a hundred times but learning new details of their importance to the past.

Leaving the ROM feeling very mature and in charge I went on my quest to find Mighty Leaf Tea, which T had given glowing reviews of, and a particular clothing store, both were in walking distance of the ROM so I started out.

The Tea was in the most amazing grocery store I have ever been too. I wandered around touching tasting and just generally in awe of all the yummy goodies to be had. This wasn't a typical grocery store at all. There was no Presidents Choice, no Kellogg's. Just isle after isle of yummies. Clearly, I would not be able to do my day to day shopping, as the prices were out of my range. I did however treat myself to an $8 wedge of cheese.

I then wandered to American Apparel, where I bought this bikini - oh and if you were wondering yes that is me modeling it.....I had not bought a new bikini 3 years, and decided I deserved it. Summer is coming, and seeing as I live in my bikini's...the more I have the better I think.
Feeling quite the city girl I then sauntered down the street, looking in windows and just feeling all shiny. I walked by a cute man and actually winked at him. Yes that's right I winked at a strange man, strange, but hot. As I'm addicted to shoes, and who isn't, I went into Brown's Shoes and low and behold there they were.

Manolo Blahniks.

All $798 worth. And I was able to pick them up!!! As a shoe junkie, yes my heart did beat a little faster, as this is the first and only pair of Manolo's I have ever seen in real life. *drool* Some of you may recognize these shoes from such shows as Sex and the City. The episode where these buatiful babis get stolen from a Baby Shower, and Carrie registers for them for her celebrating herself occasion.

Again clearly, they were out of my price range. Maybe one day. *sigh*

I then bought a big Cinnabon, hopped on the train back to my little basement apartment were I enjoyed a glass of wine, and well, most of my $8 wedge of cheese.

What a Friday.

Gimp

Last night was my regular soccer night out.

I've been pretty proud of myself for not getting any injuries such as bruises in the last few weeks...I get so many bruises.

However last night I got kicked in the ankle. It hurt, that kind of vibrating hurt that stays with you for a while. But seeing as my team only had two girls last night, and we're required to have 2 girls on the pitch at all times, I kept on playing. Honestly it didn't feel bad. Just that bit of vibration, but I could rotate the ankle all around with no pain. So I finished the game and thought nothing of it.

This morning.

Before I was even up, my ankle was hurting. Enough that it kept waking me as I moved in my sleep. So now I'm all limping and looking at my regular 10 hour Wednesday night shift. hmmm.

I want to work. Wednesdays are my favourite shift...for cute boy reasons and money reasons.

So instead of going to the Laundromat I'm going to rest my ankle before work. I do have to hit up Zellers so I can buy some kind of ice and a brace so I make it through the 10 hour shift.

Seriously though...all this from a kick in the ankle that didn't even really hurt at the time.

Good On Paper Guy

Last Thursday night I had my date with Mr. Valentine. Who has turned out to be infamous Good-On-Paper Guy from the old epitome of singleness, Sex and the City.

He's a High School English Teacher, coach's girls hockey, owns a house, a car, plays hockey, likes to read. So many things that I think I'm looking for, but there's none of that excited I can't wait to see him pit of your stomach butterflies feeling.

Attraction.

Why is it so hard. Why can't we be attracted to who we want to be.

I don't know if I'll go out with Mr. Valentine again. I don't know if its fair to maybe lead him on, as I'm not attracted, or if attraction will grow in time.

The only problem with the date was the end. He walked me to my car and told me to call him if I wanted. When did it become the girls job to chase the boy? I don't mind meeting the guys half way, or making effort. But I won't be the only one. I had to call Mr. Valentine the in the first place.

Secret's Out

Mr. Valentine and I will be going out tomorrow night, or for those of you whom 3:20 is closer to morning then bedtime..tonight.

Unfortunately while he may be discrete about not letting his team members know that we're gonna go out...we was less discrete about actually asking me tonight. So now the worst people know...members of S's hockey....

Oh and S was only about 10 feet away on his cell at the time as well.

As I've said before its "frowned upon" for us (the bartenders) to date men's league team members...but I want to. I just didn't want the whole bar to know...but what's done is done..no changing it.

However I definitely have a bigger crush on Mr. Soccer and Mr. Torn Groin. But as of yet, do not yet know their level of interest in me...so I guess I'll take what I can get right. But I really like Mr. Torn Groin...he's so yummy.

I live for Wednesdays.

The Call

I called Mr. Valentine (formerly known as C, but I think nicknames are cuter).

I got the machine. Which I think is the best scenario. I gave him my number, and said call me. (Which by the way he hasn't called...it's only been 6 hours though). Now he has to take the lead. And that's what I like.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. So I get to see both Mr. Valentine, and Mr. Torn Groin (formerly known as I, but again cuter).

Looks like it'll be fun evening for me!

Mothers Don't Get To Choose

Mothers don't get to choose....

How do you answer that?

Seriously...how do you answer that?

After a very fun afternoon of cross country skiing with the ladies, I head back to party central. Party Central is where my married friends GK and TK just bought a cottage, therefore there are many well wishers. These well wishers include S's parents.

Just as TK is going to give some of us a tour, S and L arrive, and L comes on the tour with us, and "the parents." In a quite minute I find myself alone with S's mom, who looks at L and then at me and says "Mothers don't get to choose."

Seriously...how do you answer that?

At this point I don't remember what I said. There was much red wine drank over the course of the evening. Actually I probably just gave her a small sad smile. Because what do you say....

You're son's a lying bastard, and I gave him every chance in the world. I don't think so.

I'm actually pretty proud of my small sad smile...because my gut reaction was to burst into tears, and tell her to force her son into seeing what he's really missing...and again, I don't think so.

Mother's don't get to choose.

Seriously...how do you answer that?

Weekend Plans

My weekend plans hung in the balance today. If a certain hockey team won, I had the weekend off, and I was travelling home to visit friends and family, and go to a huge party Saturday night. If a certain hockey team lost, I'd have to work the next two days and not see friends and family, or go to a huge party Saturday night.

Weird huh? But that's how it goes when you work in a hockey bar during playoffs.

I however couldn't figure out which way I wanted it to go for one particular reason....S 'n L (Unfortunately not an abbreviation for Saturday Night Live). I believe as previously mentioned, I am not a fan of L, mostly due to the fact that she's a liar and a thief, but also due to her "interesting" relationship with S. To be honest I not sure how much I like S most of the time, as he's also a liar, so maybe they were made for each other.

Anyway moving on...

So this party is being thrown by mutual friends of S's and I. So obviously we'll both be there, however he'll be bringing L. So for awhile I was hoping for a loss so that none of us could go to said party and I would not have to deal with the awkwardness, that may or may not arise ( but I'm going with will, as well she's a bitch as can't help herself apparently, even though she was super sweet to me tonight, but that was fake, because she's just a big fat faker...yep I'm 7)

In the end my certain hockey team won with at whopping 5-0 score and so, party bound I am.

We shall see what happens next.

I have been told by a reliable source, that my northern friends are not fans of L. Which does make me feel better, as I'm the one they'd rather be out with. Hurray for me!

Ahh whatever its pretty clear the S I remember is just that a memory...a bittersweet memory.

Stay tuned for updates on just how interesting/awkward/fun/eventful/nauseating/and downright drunk this weekend is.

Valentines Downs and Ups

I suppose its to be expected, but I had 2 Valentine surprises tonight. But in order to understand them, here's the background story.

The Downs

For a few weeks before Christmas I had a crush on I who came in every Wednesday night with his Team. Sadly shortly after Christmas he tore his groin (ouch) and hasn't been back.

Tonight as K and I were eating 100's of those little talking hearts, I was saying how if I came in I'd give him the "kiss me" one. And then, for the 1st time in 2 months he walks in...yes that right...with a lady friend. Shit. She was pretty too, but kind of old looking. Ok so that may sound a little bitchy, but that's the singles girls prerogative on V-day right. We'll see what happens next week.

The Ups

Later in the evening. C come up the bar and asks if I have a pen and paper (obviously I do, what kind of bartender doesn't?). I then go about my business, but he's still standing there when I get back to the bar. He hands out the slip of paper, and says I'd really like to take you out on one of your nights off. Just then K comes over and asks whats going on, kind of let me off the hook from answering at the moment, she had no idea what was happening.

So now I have to decide if I want to go out with this guy. He'd be the 4th guy to ask me out from work, but the 1st I'd actually consider going out with. I just may call him. If I grow enough balls.

Also it needs to be secret, as its "frowned upon" by S for any of us to date one of the men's league hockey guys. However, I'm not actually to worried about S's rules as I'm pretty sure its frowned upon for Upper Management to "date" a lower staff member.

Like I said life is always a surprise...now I can look forward to Tuesdays for R, and Wednesdays for C and I.

You just never know.

Going to sleep smiling tonight.

V-day...right

So what single girl doesn't have a rant on Valentines Day. The random commercial holiday created by greeting card companies to boost sales in February. And then when you figure in all the fresh cut flowers that are flown here to Canada (the US and Europe) from Africa..that's right Africa...where precious fresh water is being used to grow roses for us instead of important crops like corn that could actually feed the local people....well you see where I'm going here. Oh right and then the flowers are dipped in chemicals to make them last longer, making them toxic and not smell as good.

Yes Mom you were right, roses did used to smell better.

But enough of all that.

Yes it sucks staying home single on V-day. Especially when all your very lovely girlfriends are in wonderful relationships. But me I'm not going to be home...I'll be at work. (Nope sorry no amazing date tonight) But at work my wonderful co-worker K will be my Valentine, as her wonderful bf is in Alabama (I'm bringing chocolate and those little talking hearts I love so much). Plus I'll be surrounded by dozens of single men...b/c anyone with a significant other will not be hanging around a hockey bar on V-day. So by the end of the night I plan on having many many honourary valentines.

I don't begrudge V-Day. I kind of like what it represents. Sometimes we do get so caught up in our lives, work, finding work, buying houses, moving, planning weddings, trips, kids....it goes on and on. So why not have a day that makes you stop look at the person you've decided to spend the rest of your life with (or in my case the next week with) and say I value you. You make me smile when I look at you and I'm so happy to have you by my side in everything I do.

Yep I may be single and a little cynical and at time even bitter (there I said it). But mostly I'm optimistic, and hopeful. I know one day I'll find a man that makes me smile when I see him I just haven't yet...and sometimes that's exciting.

You never know who's around the corner...like maybe R on my soccer team?

uh oh

F

So you remember when you were a teenager and your parents went away for a week? You had a party right....not my sister...she got a tattoo...that's a right a TATTOO!

It'll be OK. My parents knew she wanted one...and what and where, but still....I can't believe it. The were so worried about leaving her home alone for a week at 18, and she gets a tattoo...

I loves it.

I was such a good daughter!!!

So Dating....

Ok. I have been single now for how long? Six monthsish. So I suppose I have to date people, in the traditional sense of the world. And its definitely not as easy as I'd kind of hoped it would be. Not that I think that relationships themselves are easy, but I kind of thought/hoped that just the initial dating wouldn't be quite so hard.

For starers how do you meet people. Now its not like I'm not surrounded by men on a regular basis, b/c at my place of work I am. But to date I've only met one I'd want to go out with....unfortunately he tore his groin and won't be playing hockey for the rest of the season. Granted most of the men at my place of work are to old for me, so maybe not the best place...

And let me tell you about M who I was seeing/dating but am pretty sure that has ended.

Now I had a big crush on M about three years ago, yet way back then he had a girlfriend. But now he's single. So my good friend K set us up. She came along as a buffer on our first get together as I hadn't seen him in three years, and she and him were friends. As things were going well, she bailed, and the two of us chatted. We set up a date on our own for the following Saturday night, were he offered to drive the 2 hours to take me to dinner.

Now this date went well....well at least I thought so. We ate, we talked, we laughed...we came back to my place.....just for coffee I swear. And then he went home. Honestly I didn't want him to stay over, I mean seriously, what kind of girl so you think I am? However, we did sit next to each other on my love seat (how appropriate eh?). I laughed at his jokes, touched his knee, looked at him when he was talking to me, told funny anecdotes...and yet nothing. No return touching. I thought I gave him all the signals to kiss me...but apparently not.

That is about as forward as I can be. I am not one to make the first move. I don't like to chase the boys, I like to BE chased.

So I'm dealing with the fact that he's a little shy, and the opposite of any guy I've ever dated, but hey, looked how well those boys turned out. We had made tentative plans for last Thursday, but then I never heard from him. (Which really is fine as I had my fortune cookie job interview last Thursday and would have had to cancel). He did email me (yes that's right email) to say he'd been busy working at both his new job and his old job. I wrote him back to tell him about my job interview. And I haven't heard from him since.

So we're not dating right?

Not that I'm heartbroken or anything. We didn't even kiss. And I wasn't sure I had "the feelings", add to that the shyness, and the distance...its no great loss, but still it was exciting.

It's the possibility. I miss the possibility, the flirting, the butterflies.

I miss the butterflies.

Dreams

I woke up this morning incredibly pissed off at S. For what reason you may ask....I honestly can't tell you. That's right, he did something in my dream to make me mad. And now I'm mad in real life.

Weird how that works eh?

I don't like it at all. I woke up in a bad mood, angry and largely confused, while I tried to figure out exactly why I was feeling such animosity towards S.

Now I'm a little more calm, and understand that really my feelings are ungrounded. That while S was his usual crusty self yesterday, he did nothing to actually cause me to want to hit him like I did upon waking up.

It does work the other way though too. I've woken up in great moods from great dreams, that try as I might to have again, or to go back into, it just doesn't work. At least the sense of euphoria can hold for a little while...well that is until I go out into the real world and deal with the idiots.

So here's hoping for a happy dream tonight, something that leaves me warm and fuzzy while I travel commuter hell to downtown TO.

New Years Eve - Take Two

(I'm gonna apologize right now for the lack of paragraph definition at the end of this post...but try as I might, I could not separate them...stupid auto formatting!!!)

Okay, a continuation of the NYE story....

So after the day tour, the drinking began. After a very tough decision on what to eat for dinner, Marc, James, Kyla and I settled on a Mexican place, the best part, the $50 pitcher of margaritas. I have to say at first I was wondering if we would get our moneys worth. In the end we definitely did. This was the strongest pitcher of margaritas EVER! We even had to ask for the server to add more lime mix. In the end, Marc had to bow out of the tequila, but K, J, and I made a valiant attempt to finish it off. Wow. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. K actually had tears rolling down her face!

Now onto the party.

Now you may wonder why did I travel all the way to NYC for NYE and go to Times Square for midnight? I'll tell you. 1. you can't drink. 2. you have to be there at 3pm. 3. you can't drink. 4. you can't pee. 5. you can't drink. and 6. there's armed army guys everywhere and snipers on the rooftops...yes, that's right snipers, those crazy paranoid Americans. So a house party it was. And seriously, how bad does a party in the middle of The Village sound?

Yes, it was great night!

Following the Party, we had to travel back to Queens where we were staying that night. So just imagine the effort at getting a cab at 2am in NYC on NYE in the rain...yep pretty much impossible. I say pretty much only b/c we actually got a cab, about 5 mins after getting on the street, however, some guy in a wheel chair wanted it and being the nice polite Canadians + Kiwi, we gave it up. And then we tried for what seemed like forever before we gave up and got on the subway.

That night I had a whole couch cushion to myself! Read cushion, not couch.

The next morning we went out for breakfast back in The Village, at a place that had unlimited Mimosa's for $5! That's right $5. I think thats something that should be imported to Canada. What a great idea for bunch with the girl in the city....sigh.

That day K, M, J and I walked around Times Square and saw some sights before taking the most frustrating train ride to someplace near White Plains (but not actually White Plains, it was apparently much to difficult for our travelling partners...we'll call them C and G to tell us where we actually were going) After much kerfuffle, we finally made it to our destination a very nice house in the woods, by a lake, yes woods and water only an hour and half out of the city.

All in all I'd say this NYE is in competition for the best I've ever had....in competition with what I'm not sure...as I can't remember one at the moment that was nearly as fun....so from now on it's the best NYE EVER! Great Location, Great Friends and 2 (yes thats right 2) Kisses at Midnight, what more could a single girl want....expect maybe 3 kisses....

Interview - Post Mortem

So I think the interview went well. It was long which I think is better then short. I'll hear back in the next 1 to 2 weeks.

Keep your fingers and toes crossed!

Job Interview!!!

Whoo Hoo! I have a job interview for my fortune cookie job!!!

New Years Eve

New Year's Eve


Why is there such pressure to have the most amazing time out (or in) this night? I certainly don't know, but I do know that I sure felt the pressure this year and amazingly it all came together in the end. Thats right, one of the most amazing NYE's in my life, and I spent it in NYC!





It all came together very quickly and at the last minute. I had to beg two shifts off work, but in the end I was in the mini-van on the way to NYC on Dec 30th.


Six of us went down, Kyla, her fiance Marc, James, Craig and Gabe. Basically it was just a drunken fun filled 3 days but here's some of the highlights:

We arrived in Grenwich Village just after midnight on Jan 30th and promtly dropped out stuff off at the appartment we were crashing at that night (thanks Bandy and Sabo!) and headed out to the bars. I had a very random night, in a very busy bar where I only knew 3 other people, who were all having a big reunion. Oh and everyone had 2 names, their real one and their nick name...took me forever to figure people out. That night we slept in a very teeny appartment, were I had to share the hallway with James which was hardly wide enough for the two of us, but we were better off then Gabe who snuggled with the oven.

In the morning...we all took turns showering. Which was eventful as there was only 1 towel for 4 of us...needless to say I was #3 on the list...and well....I feel bad for #4.


We spent that whole day wandering around the city looking at some sights. We went up Rockefeller Place. Saw Times Square.


From the Top of the Rock looking down. We were on the 67th floor.Looking out over Central Park:The infamous Empire State Building:



The NYE Ball as seen from the Top of the Rock:


I'll post more about the trip soon, but this is alreay a long post! :)

What's in a Fourtune Cookie?

Yum Chinese food. I was lucky enough to be over a friends place a few Saturday nights ago, when the decision was made to order in some Chinese food. Now I'm not gonna lie and say that my favourite part of Chinese food isn't the red sauce, cause it is, but I'm also particularly fond of the cookie, especially the fortune inside.

Lately though I've found the fortunes to be rather, well, disappointing. There not so much fortunes as random words of wisdom that are sometimes wholly incomprehensible. Although on this particular evening I opened my fortune to read "A new work opportunity will avail itself."

Honestly could I have gotten a better fortune? I mean for a girl who has literally been looking for work for 2 1/2 years? I promptly stuck my little fortune on my laptop to remind myself and to boost my self confidence. -- I tried to take a pic for proof but my camera wouldn't focus on the tiny little words, so you'll just have to trust that its actually there --

Now for the best part.

One week exactly after my fortune was foretold, I had a phone call from my good friends Shaunacy. Her Father, who works for the County of Peterborough, heard of a company that's hiring in the area for positions that I'm qualified for. -- this is no lie -- Obviously I'm jumping for joy here. I redo my cover letter and CV, call up the president of this company (its a small company) and let him know I'm interested and will be forwarding on my application. He sounded very enthusiastic and impressed by my call.

So cross your fingers and toes. Hopefully I'll be interviewing there shortly, and then moving to Peterborough.

Back Online!

So its a new year, and I've finally decided to actually pay for the internet and will now have it reliably! Whoo hoo, it's so annoying to be unconnected. Along with the new year comes such things like New Year's Resolutions. What is it about this day that causes millions of people to join gyms and try to quite smoking on January 1? What ever it is here is my list of things to do for 2007!

1. Drink more water. (this is kind of a cheating one, as it was my only resolution last year, which I did really well on until about August...time for take two)

2. Find a real job. (no more serving, it pays the bills, but I really I think I'm much too educated and much to old to keep on wearing the apron)

3. To stop sleeping with a certain ex. (So far I have an A+ here! :) )

Since the holidays I've had so many great blog ideas but now most of those interesting issues have found resolutions, but I think I'll post about them anyway over the next few days/weeks, just in case my next few weeks are not as interesting/exciting/frustrating as the last few were!