Evidence of a Lost Mind

I think I've lost my mind.

I have discovered 2 pieces of evidence in as many days.

1. Yesterdays events with my keys.
2. I have been wearing my underpants inside out all day and didn't notice until now.

I will be sure to be on the look-out for more evidence.

Because as a scientist one likes to track such trends in order to have greater confidence in ones conclusions.*

Stay tuned....

*This is my attempt at sounding smart and science-y...I think I need more practice before I start writing manuscripts!

Classic

I realized I forgotten to bring a pen with me to the lab.

Upon retrieving one from my office I managed to lock myself out holding only said pen and (thank god) my cell phone.

Its after hours. My officemate is in Ireland.

I am SOL.

Did I mention safely locked in my office are: my computer, my iPod, my coat, my schoolwork, my apartment keys, AND my car keys. (I do not need to go into the distress of being separted from you computer and iPod do I?)

Campus is so close to the edge of town that beyond its boundaries hi-speed internet does not exist (seriously...its the boonies of central Ontario).

Luckily for me PhD is able to pick me up and my landlord lent me a key to my attic.

This mornings attempt to ride public transit to campus was not so easy. Resulting in my being almost an hour late for a meeting.

Classic.

Montreal

My weekend to Montreal was AH-mazing!

It started with a sunny Friday which made the idea of the 5.5 hour that much more bearable. I even got to ride shot gun! (PhD's bf got stuck in the back while she drove) As both PhD and I are, as they say, starving students, we bunked in at the bf's sisters house. The two other members of the trip (which included RC) took the train and were forced to stay in a $200 a night hotel (those boys have real jobs). Sister is the chef at a fantabulous restaurant, Cavalli, and was able to get us a last minute reso. And we dined.

Oh, how we dined.

Free bottle service. Free appitizers. Free pasta. Half price entrays. Free desserts (there were too delicious to turn down, even though I was stuffed to the brim!)

I could try to describe the oysters, tuna tar tar, octopus, tempura shrimp, truffle lace mac & cheese, lobster, seabass, creme brulee, and homemade icecream. But there is no way I do it justice. Just know that every bit was a magical taste sensation.

Worth every blister my poor feet sustained by strapping on last years sexy wedges for the first time.

I believe RC attempted his personal brand of hitting on me. However he may not have been, he is kind of ambiguous. Either way he was brushed off, poor awkward-around-girls guy.

The rest of the weekend included cheering for the Habs (which was remarkably like cheering for the leafs, but slightly more fun as we had clackers to make an obnoxious amount of noise.) and watching the UFC fights (which I have yet to decide if I dispise of am indifferent to).

There was very little site seeing which I will have to rectify the next time I make it to Canada's little piece of Europe.

Blood.

Today I'm going to get my blood tested for hypothyroidism (among other things). Symptoms of this condition include: fatigue, sluggishness, increased sensitivity to cold, pale dry skin (which I've been attributing to cold Canadian winter), unexplained weight gain, muscle aches, weakness, brittle finger nails and hair, depression. I have been feeling all of these things. I was tested a few years ago and was negative. However my current doctor (who I love!) says I should be tested once a year due to my strong family history (Sister, Father, Grandmother, and Aunt).

I'm really hoping that this is whats been causing me to be so exhausted, and my inability to concentrate longer then your average 6 year old the day after Halloween. I've also just learned that its really easy to max out on if you have hypothyroidism so unlike most people who will stay up all night after the amount of caffeine I was drinking I crash similar to how a sugar high works.

Is it weird to hope you have a condition that has some less then fun complications? If it is Hypothyroidism I can start treatment and start feeling better.

Walk of Shame

In anticipation of a road trip of 6 that includes among other PhD, her BF (its his 29th!) and RC. I thought I share the story of why RC and I never made it past the making out on the couch portion of our relationship.

It was Christmas. There was a party at PhD's. Her BF kept my wine glass full.

RC and I stole kisses in the master bedroom as the evening progressed (I later swore to PhD that all 4 of our feet stayed on the ground at all times!).

As the night drew to a close RC convinced me it would be best if I went back to his place to sleep. I agreed.

However when we got there things didn't go as he had planned. After a few mintues of kissing we both passed out. And thats when things went downhill.

In the morning we were both a little worse for wear. He was more then a little. I attempted to snuggle. No reation. Not no movement, no sound, nothing. Eventually he mentioned he had a headache but refused my offer of advil. I improvised and ran my fingers through his hair. Again Nothing. No reaction. (I love it when someone runs their fingers through my hair!).

I decided it was time to go. As I was locating my belongings he asked:

"Do you want me to walk you out?" (yes)

"Its okay, you don't have to" (but you should)

He didn't and I walked up to meet my friends for breakfast alone.

Relapse

Lumberjack and I are seeing each other again.

I know I said I was done. That I was over it. That we were finished.

I lied.

I am a sucker for a guy who looks me in the eyes and says he's in it for real.

The definition of 'real' has yet to be determined.

The definition of 'it' has yet to be determined.

For now I'm not questioning. Just resting my head on his shoulder.

stress

I'm exhausted but I can't sleep. As soon as I lie down my mind fills with 100 things I should be doing yet don't have the energy for. I toss and turn all night sleeping fitfully worrying about how I'm letting everyone down, namely myself for not being a better scholar. Nausea has become an almost daily occurrence. Never too strong, just enough to make the thought of fast movements or food unappealing. I haven't had to vomit due to stress since the fall. Thats a milestone. Nothing like trying to non-nonchalantly leave class to toss your cookies in a public washroom to make a girl feel on top. Nothing like returning to class after having only the use of water to rinse your mouth.

It is getting better. But I still feel like I'm climbing a hill that keeps getting higher the more I climb.

*edit* I have discovered Peach Ginger tea helps with the nausea.

Babies

Babies.

All my friends are having them. Married friends and not married friends (actually it seems more people are not getting married but choosing to have kids instead of marriage, or at least before marriage).

I am very happy for each of my girlfriends when they announced their impending bundle of joy. Seriously I am happy for them. But each time I hear we're going to have/to start trying to have a baby its I feel my heart drop.

Apparently I am selfish.

I don't want things to change. I like that in the summers we can sit around the pool/lake and drink one too many cocktails (or any at all!). I like that our conversations are not centered around how well Suzy is sleeping or how do you knit soakers (what the hell are soakers?).

I hate to say it, but I'm jealous of my best friends suddenly having more in common with our "fringe" friends then they do with me.

I'm starting to feel left behind.

I'm 27, still in school (or in school again?), no serious boyfriend to speak of. Kids just are not on my radar. The fact that they feature so prominently in some of my friends lives makes me wonder if I've been doing something wrong.

What prompted this?

PhD. The last girlfriend from my hometown, my last unmarried, unpregnant girlfriend told me today that she and her bf will likely starting trying in the fall.

Worst of all, she was scared to tell me. She was afraid of my reaction.

Which is of course Happy.

With a side of sinking heart.