Thursday, January 22, 2009

Plus Zero

I think I'm done with Lumberjack, at least for now. Its just too much drama, well not exactly drama, more hot and cold. And its definitely been more cold then hot lately, and I'm just not the type of girl who chases boys down. Especially when I wasn't even that sure I really wanted him in the first place.

What lead to this revelation you ask?

Well here's the post NYE wrap up:

I had a wedding to attend on January 10. It was for a friend I used to work with in the middle of nowhere. I was not sure who I would know at this celebration so I was really hoping to bring a date. Lucky for me my friend was able to let me wait until a week before the date to confirm whether I was a plus one or a plus zero.

I went back and forth whether or not to invite Lumberjack. PhD was a big advocate for it. So as time ticked down on my date deadline I called him, my heart pounding a little not wanting to hear no.

I only get voicemail. Not about to ask a guy via voicemail I just say "hi." Then I get back to my friend saying I would be plus zero. Not his fault I know. I never asked him to come. (He did call back about an hour after I confirmed my single status).

We talked after and he said he would be coming by the following Friday if that would work for me. When I called to confirm the night before, he decided it wouldn't work for him. I was disappointed but not really surprised. So I started thinking that maybe it was time to let him go.

STOP the PRESSES

He just called again to see if I was available tonight (I'm not, going to watch the towns hockey team demolishe their rivals...at least I hope so).

So maybe the story is less finished then I thought.

But I'm still sticking to my guns. I'm putting myself out there for a guy I'm not 100% sure I'm into. I don't want to lead him on any more then I want to get my hopes up. A long distance relationship is hard enough as it is without constantly reassuring both him and myself that I am actually interested in him.

I will likely continue to see him on a very casual and infrequent basis. Maybe we will go somewhere maybe we won't. Either way, there will be no more tears.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Drama on NYE

New Years Eve

Christmas is for families but NYE is for couples.

As a single this night can cause some stress as the clock counts down to midnight. In the past I have felt to be the only one not locking lips with someone special as the ball drops (these last few years I've settled for someone available).

This year I was going to a house party where I knew that at least one single girl would be in attendance and I figured the two of us would get a head start on the champagne. In reality the party was on estrogen overload. There were 9 people at this small bash and only two couples and those two men were representing the opposite sex. Therefore this party was simply overrun with beautiful single ladies. One might think that this would relieve the pressure of the midnight kiss (it did) and therefore result in a wonderfully drama free evening.

It did not.

I had spoken with Lumberjack a couple times since the dinner and he had asked permission to call me on NYE (do whatever you want...). I said yes (I'm still curious to see where this might go). I figured he'd call or he wouldn't no real problem either way (he wasn't at the party because of a work emergency....yes we was working NYE 3ish hours from all of us).

Around 10 R's phone rang and it was Lumberjack calling to wish us a Happy New Year. The phone was passed around the party to all his old roommates and best buddies from their time in Oz (this amounted to 5 of the total 9 people at the party the other 3 did not know him). But not to me.

....

Yes he talked to everyone else at a party he knew I was at and did not ask to talk to me.

I was not the only one to notice it. Some of my friends assured me, it wasn't like he'd said "No I don't want to talk to Tigerlily." or maybe he wants to call you closer to midnight.

I tried to not worry about it and went about enjoying the pink champagne and shots that kept coming around thanks to R's husband. But as the night went on and my alcohol consumption increased I was more getting more and more upset about it.

At 1am I asked R if it was odd he never called. Somehow all the ladies of the party ended up talking and I definitely cried a little (damn the vodka shots). I believe the consensus of the night was its just not worth it. And while I didn't want to agree the evidence was with them.

R and I finally got her husband to take us home close to 6am.

When I woke impossibly early the next morning with nothing to do while waiting for my friends to wake. I noticed an icon I'd never seen before on my phone. Upon further investigation I discovered that I had a voicemail.

Apparently in my drunken emotional state of the night before I was unable to work my phone.

Lumberjack had called, and left me a message shortly after midnight.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Fathers and Daughters

As I'm sure everyone past a certain age can attest to, traveling home at Christmas time as a single can bring on some awkward moments.

My adventure home was no exception. As the only sibling without a long term SO (regardless of the fact no one in the fam is overly enamored with lil sis's bf) as well as being the eldest the pressure is on.

Now my mother knows this is a delicate topic of conversation and aside from asking many questions should the topic come up she leaves me be. My father on the other hand, while meaning well has the ability to stick his foot in his mouth.

In the days leading up the holiday, I found myself home alone with my father. Now I'm not entirely sure how this topic was brought up but it went something like this:

Dad: You're mother and I just want you have someone to share your life with.

Me: I know Dad.

Dad: Well are you going out? When boys ask you out you should go, you may like them.

Me: Its not like I'm turning guys down left and right, I'm busy with school and making a life for myself in my new city.

Dad: Have you tried the internet? I've heard a lot of people are doing that now.

Me: DAD! I'm not ready to look on the internet for boys. I kind of find it creepy putting myself out there like that.

Dad: Well about the boys at school? There got to be someone there.

Me: My school has a small graduate program most of the student are undergraduates plus I'm four years older then the average grad student. They're just too young for me.

Dad: So date someone younger. You could be a cougar*.

Me: ..............

So my Dad thinks I should try internet dating and start prowling the bars for younger men.

Amazing.

*To my Dad's credit he was not aware of the full definition of a cougar. He thought it was just older women who were dating younger men.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Nightime Adventure

Sometime in the middle of the night I found myself somewhere between sleep and awake. During that moment I managed to punch myself in the face splitting my lip.

I punched myself in the face and split my lip.

While I was sleeping.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Christmas Shing-Dig

Dec 12 2008


PhD and her bf CN threw a Christmas party for all to enjoy. Oddly enough, the two of them had gone to HS together many years ago but didn't date, or hang out really until a little over a year ago. (She thought he was totally cool and dreamy, but he was 2 years older and according to the rules of high school, didn't have a chance...oh how things change!). The party was full of people they went to HS with, which in a twist of fate is in the town my parents recently bought their future retirement home. This crowd of people included RC.

Now at the time I thought I was being all cool and nonchalant about the whole thing. However I later found out that my two girlfriends at the party spent a significant amount of time calling the play by play as RC and I made our way around the room talking to each other and then splitting off and always returning to each other. I place the blame solidly on CN's shoulders for keeping my extra large wine glass full all night.

As it got later and things subsequently got blurrier RC dragged me back to PhD and CN's bedroom. Don't worry I'm not that kind of friend, we just used the room as place to kiss, all very upstanding all 4 feet on the floor. We were never left alone long...which I found annoying at the time.

As the night started to draw to a close (this was around 4am) RC approached me to see if I wanted to go back to his place instead of sleeping on the couch at PhD's. I really wanted to go. But as always was worried about what people would think (seriously I'm 27 stop worrying about what other people think). PhD basically shoved a set of keys to her place in my hand and sent me out the door saying she expected this the whole night.

So down the street to RC's I went. He kept saying it was mostly to let PhD's brother to have some privacy with his new gf who were sleeping on an air mattress in the same room I was meant to be in. I thought this was hilarious because I'm pretty sure this was NOT his main intention.

If he was thinking what about I think he was thinking about he was disappointed. I was there for sleep and aside from a few more minutes of making out sleep is all we did (it was 5 am or so).

Unfortunately I do not sleep well in other peoples beds, especially when construction is going on next door starting at 8am and so loud it sounded like the construction men where in the room with us. Add to that that RC snores like a walrus. I wasn't able to sleep in as long as someone who was up to 5am usually might. I giggled and the growling coming from the boy next to me, and tried to snuggle a little.

I got no response, he just lay there like a log. He woke a little and said that his head was killing him. He refuse my offer to get him some Advil. So instead I ran my fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his head. (When I have a headache, or just in general I love when people do this). Again no response. No sighs, no "that feels nice" no nothing at all.

Feeling a little less then welcome. I got up said I think I should be getting back to PhD's. As I was about leave he asked if I wanted him to walk me to the door.

Uh....YES! But he didn't sound all that enthusiastic about it, so I said no.

Then I walked all the back to PhD's in Canadian winter with no hat or mittens (because apparently at 4am after numerous large glasses of wine the cold didn't bother me). The whole time I couldn't help but wonder if he just wasn't that into me, is just that shy, or was just that hung over.


Monday, January 5, 2009

Blownaway

**Over the holidays I have been away from blogging. However I started many posts as these events played out. So instead of creating one outlandishly long post I will finish said previously started so you can read along with the suspense I felt while living them.**

Middle of December

I am not an organized person. I am always about 10 minutes late, this is something I hate about myself. My parents were always 10 minutes late so I guess I came by it honestly, but this does not lessen the fact that I am constantly finding myself scrambling around at the last minute.

So as usual I was scrambling around trying to get to Bulk Barn so that I could by the necessary ingredients for the Christmas treats I was creating for an upcoming Christmas party. Just as I was about to shove me feet into my boots and shut off the lights my phone rings. I expect it to be PhD and grab the phone to take with my on my excursion (it was her party, she could hear me complain about the rain that I had to shop in to get the goodies). But it wasn't her name on the call display. It was Lumberjack's.


What?

Wait? Should I answer this call? I stared at the phone with my mouth open until I recognized from the ring tone that his call was about to be sent to voicemail.

I flipped my phone open and said hello.

He was very casual at first, like it hadn't a month since we last spoke on the phone, and even longer since he left my bed early one morning never to return.

I just went with the flow. Saying what I'd been up too, and how our mutual friends were doing (I see a lot more of them then he does). After an awkward pause he started to apologize. He said he never intended for that to have been the last night we saw each other. That he liked talking and spending time with me. That he hadn't been seeing anyone else while we were together (which lead me to believe that he'd seen someone since the break-up but that has never been confirmed or denied, or even asked about).

He said he thinks I'm an amazing girl and that he wasn't sure if he could give me what I want, or that he deserved me. (I hate Hate HATE when people think they know what I want without asking or think they aren't good enough for me....let me make my own decisions thank-you very much!)

Apparently the idea of spending Halloween watching scary movies and drinking red dyed drinks with our mutual friends was too couplely for him and instead of telling me that he bailed. For me meeting each others personal friends is much more couplely then hanging with your mutual ones...but that is not the point. The point is he bailed without an explanation, and then avoided me (my opinion) or we couldn't connect (his opinion).

He apologized a lot and sounded very sincere. He thanked me for answering the call, and asked if he could call me again.

I said yes. Have a Merry Christmas.

He said I'll call you before then.

I hung up the phone sat on the couch and immediately sent our mutual friends a WTF text.

Then I remembered I still needed to get candies for the party and was now even later then ever.