The decision has been made. I'm moving home. *sigh*
Sometimes this makes me feel like a big huge failure. 25 years old moving back in with my parents and little bother and sister. I haven't lived there since I was 18. I have to keep taking deep breaths in order to stave off the waves of panic.
What sealed my fate...two things really. The first being nothing came of my Windsor interview. The second being that as I walked around handing out resumes for a serving job I had to hold back tears. Literally.
I decided its time to regroup and refocus. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. I mean other people seem to be able to get jobs. I've applied to almost 40 jobs in the last 2 months, and I've gotten two interviews...and you know I really thought I might have gotten that last one, because I did not want to move to Windsor. What kind of stupid logic is that? I finally get the job I've been looking for for 3 years and but only if its in a place I didn't really want to move to.
One more bonus about the move home is that my next door neighbour is a Councillor for the District of Muskoka and is looking into jobs/volunteer opportunities for me n the area. I am a little late for the job stuff...most summer positions hire in March, but you never know...I'm going to try to be cautiously optimistic.
I'm also going to be cautiously optimistic with Mr. Muskoka. Who will for now on be known by name. Jason. Or more commonly Jay...so the short from of J, is just so handy! There are still things I worry about, and there wasn't/still isn't any Zsa Zsa Zu. But there's something. I'm not sure what, maybe it won't be enough, maybe I'll run away like I've done before, or maybe I'll give it my all, and still get my heart broken like I've done before. But I won't know if I don't try. I've survived the heart break, and I know I won't survive the loneliness that comes with not trying.
And so I pack my car and look to future.
maybe your living in too big an area for your career?? Over 400 jobs applied to hey.. I'm sorry your life is not going as career oriented as planned. I cry also at the thought of going back to serving. ugh. So maybe you'll find something in Gravenhurst or Bracebridge that you can do.. does it have to be specifically (whatever it is that you specifically want to do). I mean P is a project coordinator now but he went to school for IT.
ReplyDeleteI love you very much!! You will have a great summer with J. I like mr. something better- much more sex and the city style to it..
Call me anytime you want!! I'm home most days all day- like tomorrow..
He He. The MR. Something-or-other was for guys I wasn't actaully with. But I figure its time that I admit that something is going on between us. Even if I'm not ready to use the B-word. But it was/is funny. I really liked thinking up new names!
ReplyDeleteso how's mom and dads this year? do they still have dial up?
ReplyDeletek you can't be home for 2 weeks already and not update your blog. Don't start slacking on me! This is almost as good as living together.. come on - dish!
ReplyDeleteNope there's high speed in Muskoka finally as of only about 3 months ago! And sorry for the lack of posting, but I've been going back and forth b/w Muskoka and the city moving and saying goodbye to my soccer team, and finishing my volunteer job. I'll be up offically on Friday. I'll be posint again soon. Life's been a whirlwind these last two weeks!
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