Will not be bitter

I know it may have sounded like I said no to men. But really I was trying to get away from the negative feelings I had toward relationships. It just feels sometimes that relationships come so easy to some of my friends. Where they don't for me. I even watch guys I know to be decent guys putting up with their crazy girlfriends. Time and time again.

I know we all have a bit of "The Crazy." Sometimes we can control it and sometimes we can't. Sometimes you just have to stick up for yourself. What I considered sticking up for myself has, it seems, been seen by the men I've been dating as craziness. I personally think I'm justified in telling a guy he's pissed me off (in a calm, matter of fact kind of way). I also think that it is better then not telling him and letting it stew. However it seems that this can possibly make more you trouble then your worth.

So after years of this I had begun to feel that there were no quality guys left. You know the ones I mean. Guys who are interested in me as a person. Guys who want to (not forced to) meet my friends. Guys who want to meet my family, escort me to weddings, introduce me to their friends and family, make me part of their lives.

I was losing hope. I could feel the bitterness creeping on the edges. I hate talking to bitter girls and do not want to become one.

So how does one avoid such a fate?

I joined an on-line dating community.

(gasp!?!)

It seems desperate. But I know numerous couples who have met online. I expect its going to become more popular as our lives continue to get busier and technology becomes even more intertwined (is that even possible?) with our daily lives.

I have to say the ego boost was immediate. I try to reply to everyone who emails me. As long as they say something more then, "Hi, you're cute." even if I'm not interested.

I wanted reassurance that there are indeed some nice guys still available. While I'm not expecting to meet my soul mate/future husband/long term bf (although I suppose it is a possibility) I'm more looking for a way to jump back into the dating scene.

So tonight I had coffee with a guy I met on the internet. It was a little weird. But he looked like his pics so we talked, we laughed, he paid for my coffee, and walked me to my car. He even asked for my number at the end of the night.

I hadn't been out on a date for a very long time (Lumberjack doesn't count...). It was nice to dress up, put on make-up and perfume...I even shaved my legs (you don't even want to know how long its been ....).

If he calls, great, if not, there are plenty more where he came from.