More Optimistic

So I'm trying to be more optimistic these days. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. The main problem is that my ex is dating someone new, and we have to work together. Its not that I want him back, at least not now. But some part of me kind of always thought that one day when we were older that maybe one day we'd be on again. But its looking like maybe not. So that upset me a little, but really it was the fact that it took him over a month to tell me and that i had to force it out of him. This following so closely on our pact that if we were going to be friends again, and work together again, we'd be completely honest with each other. Apparently he's unable to this for me, hence the reason that at this point in time I do not want to attempt another relationship with him. However, he was the last of my close friends who was single, and when your friends are in a relationship well you loose a little of them. And really how selfish is it of me to be mad at my friends for being happy? So I'm gonna try to be happy for him. But at the same time I'm a little sad for me.

Good Friends

I have had a bad month. I've just been feeling pretty crappy about life all together. I'm really starting to hate my job...I mean really how long can you continue to serve? I've been at it 8 years now. Ohmigod, I didn't even realize it had been that long until I just calculated it. Eight years. There's very few things I like about the restaurant industry, aside from the money, and the good times you can have with other staff memembers. But I'm feeling a little isolated from the other staff memebers. But I'm stuck there. I can't get another job, well one that I want. I could get another restaurant job, but no point in that, at least at this job, I'm trusted, and get somewhat good shifts. However I do have to work for my ex, which seems to get more complicated every day.

But I have my good friends back in the country, they may only be here for a month, but it feels so so good to hang out with people that I don't feel like I have to be 'on' for you know. People who just accept me for who I am, and accept all the quirks I have as part of what makes me me, and not judge me for it.

I think there are a very select few people in your life like that and that its important to hold on to them.

Basement Appartment

So here's the deal. I'm 25 working as a server because its the best job I can get, even after graduating both University and College...yes thats right. I live alone in a basement appartment, and I'm thinking of it as a right of passage. so that when I can afford to move out of here I'll know that I'm starting to make in the world. Really I can't say that I don't like my appartment, it big enough for one, and its clean. I have my own entrance, my own bathroom and kitchen...well kitchenette...no oven and only a bar fridge. But its cold in here. During the summer it's fine, but as we're are heading to winter...its blanket season. brrr.

This I've decided is an odd time of life. Not a child and not quite grown up. I can take care of myself and support myself but what do I really have to show for it?