I can hardly fathom that it has been a month since I've posted. I have no real excuse other then the weather has hot and sunny and the dock calls my name every time I have some time to kill, and even then seeing as I own a laptop and have wireless internet, I could bring my computer down to the dock with me and be productive whist I tan. However I apparently don't want to! I just want to lay there and read or at most think about life and the mistakes I've made and what I can to learn from those. And how I can move forward again and stop this backward tailspin I've been in. I haven't yet discovered any easy answers. That because there are no easy answers there never has been easy answers and the older I get the less easy answers there seem to be.
I give into temptation a lot. A lot, a lot. And after I don't even feel all that guilty. Maybe I should. It used to be easy knowing what was right from what was wrong, but now the lines are blurry. Less black and white and way more grey. Although there are some things that I know are defiantly in the black category...
I am doing a very positive work related event tomorrow. My long time neighbour Mrs. A is taking me with her to the Muskoka Watershed Council meeting. I'll get to meet and greet with a lot of important people in Muskoka where the environment is concerned, and maybe just maybe a job or even a summer volunteer position may come out it. And that would be HUGE step forward. I may still live at home, and I may still have to serve to pay for my new car.
But at least I'll feel like I'm being productive.
I'm also taking a big step with J this weekend. We're going camping. I know that doesn't sound huge. But my good friend SK and her fiance just broke up (its okay, 3 of the 5 bridesmaids hated him...and I didn't know the other 2 well enough to ask their real feelings). And she and her new bf (yes its very quick, but that's my girl SK!) And it was just going to be me, SK, her new beau, and SK's little bro MK, who has had a hopeless crush on me for years. So I thought it time to bring J out into the world with me.
Gives me butterflies.